June 2022 Update ....

.

Well HELLOOOOOO there ...

It has been a LOOOOOOOOONG time .... 

days .... months .... years .....   [gasp]

It's been awhile ...  I mean, yeah.   There hasn't been a whole lot "medically" going on.  Both Noah and Nathan are relatively stable in most to all areas of their care and we're doing well for the most part.  Which I am beyond THANKFUL for.  Because there were times ... 

And COVID happened.   We literally just holed ourselves into the apartment and bunkered down.  Might have invested in learning smoke signals and carrier pigeons too, but ... luckily, it didn't come to that. We survived the 2020 Toilet Paper shortage.  

We did, as a whole family, caught COVID in January (of 2022).  We escaped it for a long time.

Noah is 20 now ....  oh holy crap.  He's out of his teens, full on adult mode .... only nothing has changed.  LOL ....  

Noah's big news is he has a girlfriend!  She seems to have developmental delays too and that causes some confusion between them sometimes.  But she brings out some great things in Noah.  And they are both learning a lot - not only about each other, but also together.  He name is Melanie.  They have been together for 18 months now.  

We're still treating his juvenile glaucoma and his muscle pain/issues still heavily exist.  Of course his physical stuff doesn't go away and his Mosaic Trisomy 16 will never go away.  But Noah is doing really well and I'm so at ease with it.  I don't have to really worry about him.  The doctor actually told me that ....  I don't need to live by the whole ....  "anything could happy any day and we could lose him" motto....  doctor said, "I think it would have happened by now" ... and the only thing that I really worry about is his glaucoma and his kidney(s) .... 

His pain is just something he's used to and we deal with.  

So I want to mention that he's about 100 lbs now and his max height is 5 foot even...  he's not growing anymore.  He hasn't for a couple years. 

Also, Noah has no desire to drive.  Just the thought of it makes him anxious.   Maybe one day he'll push through that and realize the independence is amazing, but for now, we take things at his pace. 

Nathan is 15 now.  WOW ...  this kid amazes me too.  I can't believe he is 15.

We just had an appointment with his doctor and he weighs a whopping 65 lbs.  He is 4 foot 8 1/2 inches.  The parameters for "Primordial Dwarfism" is 4 foot 10 inches or less and I really don't think that he's going to get to be 5 foot 11 inches so .....  [sigh] ...  

The scariest bit is that he has 3 upcoming surgeries.  One is this Tuesday (the 21st) and I am terrified.  Don't tell Nathan that though.  This surgery is for his VPI and so they are going to go in and try to correct some of the structure that didn't develop properly in his throat and mouth.  The hope is that when it heals he'll be able to communicate better/speech won't be so hard for him.  There is no guarantee at all and because of that - this surgery was left totally 100% up to the boy who'd have to go through it.  And he wants it done.  In fact about 6 months ago, he asked me about it.  So yeah ....  he wants to do it and he wants it to work and I want nothing more then for it to work.  

However, as his Momma, I am terrified.  Last time we talked about this surgery - the doctor made a comment that if we did the surgery, he would die because his airway was too small.... 

.... of course this was years ago, and he's bigger and his airway isn't as small ... and it's the same doctor so I think if he felt there was going to be the same risk, he wouldn't do it ... 

BUT STILL .... dammit ... . it's still there in my brain.  

AND THEN add the fact that last time he was in the hospital he almost died and I just can't ... 

..... AND I am doing this as a single parent now because my "husband" left 3 years ago ...  oh yeah....  

Hi. My name is Annissa and I'm getting a divorce.  

Is there a prize for that? 

The prize is not being in a relationship that apparently one person thought sucked so much that they had to run away screaming ....  ha ha ha .... he didn't.  He just loved me so much he decided he needed to ...  whatever.  You know my sarcasm is one of the reasons he left....  

ENNNNNeeeyyyyway

I am used to being part of a team when Nathan has surgery - and having someone who helps to keep me solid and not let the anxiety take hold.  I won't have that. Not to mention his dad would always carry him into the O.R. and it's just going to be weird ....  

........  weird.   

And last time he was in the hospital was May 2015 when he almost died.  It's not okay. I don't need to think of that either.   

Let's all promise to keep me in check and not allow me to burst into tears.  MmmmmK? So yeah.  I'm trying to be okay but I'm not okay.  

So I will be updating.  

I spent some of today trying to figure out all the stuffz I gotta pack and take.   Wish me luck. 

Hope. It's in our genes!

Today is February 28th - RARE DISEASE DAY ...

We don't need to just wait and share our stories that "one day a year" ... we should all be sharing our stories all the time, and that's what I really try to do with the boys and their stories. (If you are going to read this - PLEASE PLEASE read all the way to the end.)

When a mom (and dad) find out they're pregnant, never in a million years do you think that you are going to be one of "those" people who have a child with medical issues. You don't expect to have complication, or premature births, genetic tests, life changing news .... words that no parent should ever have to hear and that just changes your whole world. All of it.

I fought a long heartbreaking battle to have the four boys I gave birth to. I was a teenage parent - I got pregnant with Calahan, but I immediately suffered a miscarriage, only finding out several weeks later I was still pregnant and it had been twins. After Calahan was born I had four more miscarriages, and I didn't have a pregnancy that stuck until he was five years old. This was Noah, but it was very clear that the pregnancy was not going as it should be very early on. Through an amnio we discovered that Noah has a very very rare genetic disorder called Mosaic Trisomy 16. If it had been full trisomy, he wouldn't be here, however; I was told repeatedly that he would not live regardless. He was born weighing only 1lb 12.2 oz and was 13 3/4 inches long. He proved them wrong and he thrived. After Noah I had seven more miscarriages before getting pregnant with Nathan. I had gotten a divorce from Noah's biological donor and met Dennis. Surely odds wouldn't be that I'd end up with another medically rare child. But that's exactly what happened. Nathan's pregnancy mimicked Noah's in so many ways, but was also pretty different. The amnio came back "clean" and unable to detect any sort of genetic issues. Though we found out he had a 2-vessel cord and something called "Dandy Walker" ... Nathan was born weighing 3lbs 4oz and was 15 3/4 inches long. He was born with a cleft palate and various other things. Regardless... what are the odds of having two significantly rare medically challenged children with two different dads? (I had one miscarriage after Nathan before I got pregnant wtih Kaedyn, and then three more after. 16 miscarriages, four biological boys, and the boy we adopted <3 - and DB's daughter whom we hope will come into our lives-)
Both boys have a long list of medical issues.....

NOAH'S MEDICAL ISSUES: 
Medical Issues we have dealt with that may not be a big concern at the moment: severe asymmetrical IUGR, low fluid, small poorly functioning placenta, heart deceleration, bilirubin in amniotic fluid, Low Micro-Preemie Birth Weight, On Vent for 40 hours, Brachycephaly craniosynostosis, enlarged right kidney, ASD & VSD (3 holes in his heart all together), eye pupils shaped like footballs, Hypospadious (fixed surgically at 1 year), Natural Circumcision, Hyperbilirubinemia, he had both Apnea and Bradycardia (Brady’s he had, Apnea he didn’t start until a few weeks before his due date)... Brain scan at one point showed some fluid on his brain that was later declared a "variation of normal", umbilical & double groin hernias (fixed surgically at 6 months), C-DIFF bacterial infection from antibiotics and started to go into Kidney Failure, Broken Nose, Gastro issues (vomiting same time every day for years) .... He has had surgeries to repair his hypospadious, hernias, and to put in ear tubes, also dental surgery... and he has been put in the hospital/put under for countless tests.
Medical Issues we are currently dealing with: Mosaic Trisomy 16, Glomerulonephritis & Hematuria (both kidney issues), Hearing Loss (in his left ear, he has a hearing aid). Ocular Hypertension (high pressure in his eyes). Fine Motor Delay, Mixed Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder, Anxiety, ADD, Dyslexia & Dysgraphia. He is on the spectrum (ASD) in the "Aspergers" range.... oral sensitivity issues (taste & texture)... sound sensitively issues... speech delays....low muscle tone, tone issues from his hips to his toes & Supinated feet, Sensory Processing Disorder, environmental allergies, braces (for both his teeth and his feet!), skin growths/moles that are being "watched," he has ongoing Speech, Occupational, and Physical Therapies .... he homeschools due to having a poor immune system and catching everything he's around, missing more school than being there. Pre-Hypertension. Glaucoma.

NATHAN'S MEDICAL ISSUES: 
Medical Issues that we have dealt with and that we are currently dealing with: He is 7 years old (2014) and 28-30 lbs (depending on the scale) and 3 foot 4 inches (103 cm/40.6 in)…..In Nathan’s short little life, he had been diagnosed with the following: 2 Vessel Umbilical Cord, Low Birth Weight, Hypospadious, Natural Circumcision, Hyperbilirubinemia, Soft Cleft Palate/High Palate, Aortic Septal Defect (healed itself), Feeding Issues, Torticollis, Webbing of the fingers, Hydrocephalus, Bifid Uvula, Dandy Walker Variant (Missing Vermis in his cerebellum), Polymicrogyria (another brain malformation, meaning many folds, DR says the front of his brain looks like a bunch of grapes on MRI), Flat Feet, Tone Issues, Undescended Testicles, Russell-Silver Syndrome (a type of Primordial Dwarfism/growth disorder), Human Growth Hormone Deficiency, Scoliosis, Failure to Thrive, Apraxia of Speech, Non-Verbal, Seizures (when sick), Mild Hearing Loss, Velopharyngeal Insufficiency (VPI), Migraines, Asthma, Allergies and Autism. Broken Nose (2013)

In 2016 Nathan's diagnosis of Russell Silver Syndrome was taken away. He is currently and ongoingly going through extensive chromosome and genetic testing in hopes to give us a solid diagnosis. We have no "umbrella" diagnosis now but his Genetics doc is certain there is some sort of chromosome abnormality.

Age 9: weight is 45-47 lbs & 3 ft. 9 inches.
Things get added to the list, sometimes they change...... but this is a fact... something you only understand if you become one of these parents who are in this special community of other parents who "get it" because they've been through it themselves...

These children who have to live their lives knowing absolutely nothing more than the hand they were dealt, this isn't a "normal" but it is THEIR normal because it is all they know........ THESE KIDS teach us more than we could ever teach them, they bring MORE JOY into our lives then all the heart ache and worry ... It is a blessing to know these kids, to be their parents, to watch them grow, to have the honor of living their lives with them. It is an ABSOLUTE amazing thing to witness the MIRACLES that my children are and have been. The amount of PRIDE I couldn't even begin to express because I have watched these boys tackle things that adults can't handle and to step forward with fright hidden behind bravery ....

I wouldn't change them for anything - I wouldn't change one hair on their head - BUT not wanting to change who they are doesn't mean that as a parent of a special needs child you can't wish that things were different for them too. I don't like seeing my kids in pain - all the time, I want to scream every time I have to talk my child into allowing someone to do something to them that they are terrified of or that I know will hurt them, I would rather choke on begging them to be brave and watching the pleading in their eyes as waves of pain envelopes them. If I could *fix* those things that cause them pain and threaten their lives without changing anything about who they are as a person - I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT.

I don't think people realize just how hard it is on a family to have to watch your children (sibling, grandchild, nephew/niece, etc) go through things like this - to live with the constant fear and worry that we go through. Sometimes it's hard to sit there and think "must be nice" to have such a "normal" life and not have to plan out every "what if" scenario that might happen when you leave the house just so you can be prepared.. just in case.

I have been accused of doing things like abusing my kids - making them sick on purpose (munchausen by proxy) - having people call CPS on us because they feel as if - not living in our house/living our lives - they know that our children need to be taken away because we are somehow causing their medical issues. I've had friends turn on me, family ignore me, and people just stop "caring" ... People start to complain about my being "too negative" because they don't like HEARING or READING about the boys medical issues. They feel I should focus on the positive things in our lives, and trust me - when I say - WE DO. Here is the difference. Because of our kids medical issues, our lives literally REVOLVE around the medical issues going on with our boys (and our family in general.) We don't CHOOSE to be negative - we are just expressing our everyday lives. You don't like it ....... imagine LIVING IT. This is OUR LIFE! So don't shame us, have little compassion and have some understanding. Sometimes - though - we need to vent about our day, our fears, all these things that worry us and the trials and hard things we go through on a daily basis.

I'm not saying we don't enjoy our lives, because we do. Even though our lives revolve a lot around medical stuff, I will take every day with doctors over not having my kids. We couldn't love our kids anymore than we do. It doesn't make our fears any less real. But every day is a blessing with these kids - because unlike most parents, they don't live by the motto ......

ENJOY EVERY SINGLE DAY BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN IT WILL BE THE LAST .....

We do....and actually have it be a reality. #theBoyWhoLIved and #SuperNathan

(Thanks for reading.)

It's that time of year....

I am entering the time period that I do, every year, where it's getting closer to Noah's birthday and I experience some ... I don't know how to explain it other than to say PTSD, because that's basically what it is. And I reflect. It never fails, it is always around now.

I think any parent, especially mother, who has had a difficult pregnancy, birth and watching their child with medical issues struggle, having to basically force and offer up your child to experience pain for their better good, it's hard. It's really really hard to have to hand your child off to someone and put your child's life in someone else's hands, it's terrifying.

As a mom, I don't fit in a box. Noah has a very strong certain diagnosis and Nathan does not. Nathan - who struggles with medical issues a lot more than Noah - has no box, he no longer fits in a group, and we just float around knowing there is some chromosome issue but not knowing what it is because it has not been found yet. But I don't have a group of mom's I can go to - to give and/or lend support. It's scary.

This time of year I always think of Noah, and reflect on my pregnancy and his birth.... which always leads into Nathan's pregnancy and birth too.

My pregnancy with Noah was really stressful for me. I had a five year old Calahan (who turned 6 right before Noah was born) and struggled through five years of secondary infertility, and at that point I had a total of five miscarriages. I found out that I was pregnant with Noah and a moment in my life where I wanted to leave my ex husband. My marriage was over that summer, but I spent several more years trying to "make it work."

Very early on, we realized things were not "right" with the pregnancy. By 16 weeks things had escalated to the point where it was highly suggested that I have an amnio to find out for sure what was wrong. Because something WAS wrong.

The day before Halloween that year, I was sitting in my doctor's little exam room with my ex husband, my mom, and my five year old son. In that moment, my life would change forever. I had no idea just how much my life would change.

And then my beloved doctor said the words.. "Well, the baby doesn't have Down's Syndrome or Spinia Bifida ... but he has something called Mosaic Trisomy 16."

Everything else literally fell on deaf ears. It was like, there was a buzz in my ears, in my brain, drowning out all the words ... all I could think was, there is something wrong with my baby, there is something wrong and I don't care. I am going to love this baby no matter what.
And then he said "Oh and by the way, it's a boy!" and I heard that.

A few short days later we met with another doctor at the hospital where Noah would end up being born, two hours away from home. He met with us in a larger room where meetings would likely take place. He sat us down ... me, my ex husband, my mother and my five year old son ... and he said things like "no quality of life" ... and .. "mentally and physically delayed" ... and ... "stillborn" ... "no chance of life" ... "possible 24 to 48 hours of life" ... and then he said, "I highly suggest that you interrupt your pregnancy."

Eight words. I thought, I can't interrupt my pregnancy... I'm only 19 weeks pregnant, I can't have him now because if I do, then he'll ... die.... and I realized what he was saying in that second. I realized he was telling me to kill my baby. He was suggesting I abort my child. The child I spent five years trying to have, the one I fought for, loved, cared for, desperately wanted... he was suggesting I don't even give him a chance.

I said .... "that isn't an option." It wasn't.

This doctor turned and looked at my (then) husband and said "And how do you feel about it."
In the half of a second it took me to think - I thought, it doesn't matter what he thinks, it's not his body.... and he said "I agree with her."

And I thought "wow" .... maybe he wasn't all bad...

The rest of my pregnancy I was told he would die. If he didn't die before he was born, he would die shortly after birth. If THAT didn't happen, he would die with in the first 24 to 48 hours. And if by some MIRACLE he did come home, he would be so mentally and physically delayed it wouldn't be worth it.

That was the speech I was given. The words burned into my brain.

"It wouldn't be worth it......"

I would go shopping, and I would find myself in the baby section looking at tiny little baby boy clothes, little boy stuff, toys, everything ... I was looking and I would pick something up and think or say, "I'm gonna buy this" and then my heart would sink, and I'd say ... no, not yet. I would put it back. I knew emotionally if that doctor was right, I would go home and see stuff, and I couldn't. I couldn't go home and be reminded ... I couldn't go home and have to deal with all the baby stuff. I just couldn't do it. So I didn't buy anything. My friend gave me a changing table. My mom got a bassinet, and a car seat/stroller combo... that was all we had basically. Most of the stuff I did have I got at Goodwill or garage sales ... but I couldn't see buying anything new.. .and I didn't buy much. I did get a diaper bag, that was pretty much it.

It broke my heart! I wanted so badly to be excited and experience the pregnancy that I deserved. It wasn't that kind of pregnancy though. It was filled with questions that couldn't be answered, a sense of being numb - protecting myself - and sadness. I had hope, I always had hope that he would beat the odds. My heart screamed he had to be okay, but my head said ... it could go either way.

My OB - the one I loved - never say one negative word about the baby. He never made me feel like he was going to die, or have issues... we made a birth plan, took birthing classes (again) and when the instructor said "Statistics say that every one in four women end up having a c-section, look around, who do you think in this room is going to end up having a c-section...." I stupidly raised my hand and said something like, "with my luck, it'll be me."

I made my doctor promise me, PROMISE ME, that if he thought Noah was going to die, that he deliver him. I wanted one thing - just one thing.... I wanted to hold him just once, breathing .... I would take whatever time I was blessed with - but I just needed to hold him once with breath and life in him.

So at 33 weeks, I was having contractions, I developed Pre-Eclampsia, Noah was having heart declarations, and things weren't seeming well inside my womb. I had told my Mom not to worry that Monday after my doctors appointment. But then the very next day I had to call her from my doctors office (they let me call long distance) and I was crying hard.... I said "Mom, you can worry now." They gave me the first of three shots in the office - to help his lungs mature - before telling me to go straight to the hospital. Don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars, just go to the hospital.

A few days later Doc said it was time to go get him born, and he had to send me off to the hospital two hours away that could handle a baby that had medical issues and handle a small baby. So after a few days in the hospital - I got transported in an ambulance in a snow storm, two hours from home. I was thinking he would be about 4 lbs.

He said I would have him the following day, 2-2-02 .. the most awesome birthday ever, and he would share his birthday with my Mom. He was going to be her birthday gift.

But I got to the hospital and they did their own tests, and their tests showed things that were not good. His smaller than normal placenta was failing, and they weren't sure he would survive to the following day. I got to the hospital around noon, and at 3:45 PM ... Noah Alexander was born into the world.
I have major PTSD about his birth. The operating room was silent. You could hear a pin drop silent. They were preforming an emergency c-section and the doctor would make comments. But then the anesthesiologist started saying "3:45" over and over again, so I said "What is 3:45?" and he looks at me... and says, "That's when your baby was born."

There had been no cry, no sound, no announcement of "It's A Boy!" They didn't say anything, I didn't see him, I had NO IDEA that my baby boy had even been born. THERE WAS NOTHING.

I started crying uncontrollably ... I was trying so hard not to sob ... they were still inside my belly. They had taken my baby to a room, on the side of the operating room, the door was closed and I could see several people around what I could only assume was my son...

My baby was outside of my body, because my body was failing him, and I just wanted to see him, touch him, hold him - one time - just once - before he died. They were taking that from me! They were not going to respect my wishes. I wanted my baby and I couldn't even see him.

They closed me up, and took me to recovery. I laid in the bed, numb, and there were people who would come in and say things like.... "He is so cute!" ... "He's so handsome!" ... "He's looking around wondering what everyone is doing, taking in everything." ... "He's doing well" ... they listed off some issues with him, and it seemed like forever before I was given a weight.... he was 1lb 12.2oz and 13 3/4 inches long.

He was born at 3:45pm ... my Mom, ex-husband, and his mom got to all see him around 7pm (because they weren't numb from the chest down. I didn't get to see him until 9pm that night. Six hours later.

He was so tiny. I couldn't believe how tiny his little hands were, his toes ... he had the cutest button nose, and a little bit of blonde hair... I could hold him in one hand... he wouldn't all fit in my hand, but he was so tiny. He was hooked up to this and that, he was on a ventilator, and at first he had an IV in his head. But he was so tiny.

And you know what? He didn't die. 40 hours after his birth, his breathing tube was removed because he was doing it all on his own. 1lb 11oz at that point in time and he was breathing 100% on his own with no assistance. My little boy was kick ass stubborn.... nursed and doctors would go by and say "Why is this baby off the vent?" ... it's not often you see a 1 to 2 pound baby without a breathing tube.
He was quickly labeled a "feeder grower" meaning the only reasons he was in the NICU was to prove he could eat and to grow and gain weight. There were a few bumps in our NICU stay, but he came home the day after his St. Patricks Day due date.

Life has been bumpy, he has been in and out of the hospital - not very often though - and countless tests. We had to live by the motto that "anything can happen at any time and we could lose him" ... but recently I was told that we could breath with that - Noah's good. He has his health issues, but he didn't feel we needed to live by that motto anymore.

I call him "The Boy Who Lived" ... he is my first little miracle and not many people can say that they have met or seen a miracle. There are a ton of miracles out there ... preemies that beat the odds, kids with crazy scary medical issues that beat the odd... and even the ones who lost their fights - doesn't make them any less a miracle.

Noah beat his odds. He is amazing and I am so blessed. Not a day goes by where I don't think how lucky I am to have my four amazing boys, to be able to love and guide our two boys with medical issues. Regardless of the death scares and everything else.... we are lucky to have these boys in our lives. They teach us so much more than we could ever teach them.

If you read this far, you deserve a gold star for the day.

Spring Updates

Noah turned FOURTEEN years old on February 1st (2016).  It's crazy.  Sometimes when I sit there and think about it - this is the same baby that I was told wouldn't live - period.  Not only was I told that, had that fear they were right - but also - he started life at the weight of only 1lb 12oz!   It's CRAZY.  Here he is - 14!! 

As of today (March 29th) ...  Noah has some stuff going on.  He is 2 years into having those braces!  He has another year with them (at least).  But his teeth are looking AMAZING!  And that tooth that was growing horizontally, is finally starting to come down where they can pull it down with the orthodontics into place! (WHEW!)

Also, we are a little more worried about his kidneys right now.  When he saw the nephrologist in September (about 6 months ago) … they ran some labs on him.  He had a really low level of Vitamin D.  So they wanted him on a strict Vitamin D schedule – from what I was told (over the phone) from the clinic was that he needed 500-600 iu’s a day and 2500 iu’s once a week.  Now, I found out recently that wasn’t the case at all.  He is supposed to be on 2000 iu’s a day, and was supposed to do 10,000 iu’s once a week.  (Slaps forehead.)  So we are getting new labs drawn this week and we’re going to change things based on those results.  Also at his appointment, he had a high level of blood in his urine and was a +1 on the protein.  Which isn’t good.  So I did a dip on him the other morning, and he was maxed out on the blood scale and then at a +1 again (instead of a trace) … anything over a trace isn’t good.  (A trace isn't even good.)  ::: deep sigh :::  So this week they are going to do a urinalysis on him too.  I’m supposed to do a dip on him (at home) every day though – if it is consistently up there – he’ll have to go in sooner than later.  I’m a worried Momma.  I am, can’t deny it. 

Okay – after a recent haircut and when he came out of the shower, his brother noticed he had stretch marks on his back.  Normally this wouldn’t really be a big deal.  But for this little kid who has had trouble growing, period… once he hit puberty hard – he has been growing A LOT.  He has a lot of stretch marks.  He has them around his upper arms, arm pit, shoulder/chest area.  He has them on his hips, his butt, his legs a bit.   These we have known about.  They aren’t tiny stretch marks either… they are some serious stretch marks.   So his brother noticed that Noah now has three pretty deep stretch marks horizontally on his back.  (He got a haircut and showered after to get the hair off him, otherwise he usually does it when I’m in bed for the night.) Not up and down, but horizontally across his back.  This struck me as odd.  Never seen stretch marks like that.  (thinking, how many times can I say stretch marks in one paragraph?)  Then there is also the issue of the fact that he has some gynecomastia.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s where boys breast tissue develops more like a girl’s would during puberty.  Which I noticed and wondered about before, but it’s gotten worse.  And Noah isn’t overweight. 

So we took him in, figuring he needs to get in to see the endocrinologist (who he has seen before but she felt she didn’t need to see him anymore – so we’d need a new referral.)  So we took him in and the doc looked at him, checked out our concerns, and told us he was going to make the referral.  Great.  But he said something that shocked and upset me a bit.  He said “Noah’s not going to get much bigger.”  He was 108lbs and 5 foot even.   I gave him an odd look.   He said “Noah is in the end stages of puberty already.”  Noah started getting little arm pit hairs when he was about 7 years old.  I would bring this up to doctors (back in WI) and usually just got shrugged off.  Noah he’s 14 and almost done growing?  He hasn’t grown in height much in the last year I think.  On Nov. 18, 2015 he was 107lbs and 15 and a half of an inch (probably had shoes on – or was at a different clinic)... but I have that in my book that I use for important info.   So in four months he hasn’t really gained height or weight.  So yeah.  I’m a little irritated that my worries about his early puberty weren’t really heard.  It kinda makes me sad.  I’m 5’3, and he’s shorter than I am, it just makes me sad.  Nathan is going to be around that too – probably shorter.  Boo.  Just….  BOO!

Meanwhile – with Nathan – who is going to be 9 next month – CRAZY!  This VPI surgery is still on the table.  Since the doc wanted to wait a year to give him a chance to grow and gain weight (because he was worried with Nathan’s tiny airway, he wouldn’t survive the VPI surgery.  He literally had said “if we do the surgery, I’m afraid it’ll kill him.”  So last time we saw the DR – there was talk again about this surgery – because he needs it.  It’s the only chance he has to be able to talk.  He works so hard at talking and trying to communicate with us, but with the VPI – it won’t get better unless he has the surgery.  Now, if he has the surgery, it is not a guarantee that it’ll fix his speech. But he has a better chance.  So the next step we needed to take was Nathan having a sleep study and he did.  On January 2^nd, and we got the results in early February. 

The results of Nathan's sleep study. To put it in perspective, Nathan is a very active sleeper. He spins around in his bed, his head could be at the normal spot, next thing you know he's done a one eighty and his head is where his feet were, he's constantly twisting and turning and all that all night long. During the sleep study, he did not move like normal. It took him a long time to fall asleep and he couldn't get comfortable because he was very aware of the wires and cords and everything - he was afraid to move and he falls asleep on his side, and didn't want to move on his side because of the wires and cords - so his movements were a lot less during the sleep study than "normal" .... So the results they got that night were as follows.

They want Apneas to be less than 1. Nathan's were around 8 to 9 per/hour. (which is funny, because that's what his Dad’s are at too)...

Nathan doesn't really STOP breathing, but his breathing gets very shallow. It's called Hypopnea. (Nathan’s Dad stops breathing)

His Apnea is classified as mild to moderate.

He also has Disruptive Sleep. She said he didn't wake up much - he slept 92% of the time after he fell asleep initially. He did have a lot of leg movement. She said they like it to be less than 5, and Nathan's isolated movements were around 10 and his repetitive movements (like a kick, kick, kick type thing) was at a 5.5.

So he definitely needs a CPAP machine. I know this isn't a big deal in the long run of issues, but it still sucks a lot for him. Compared to him almost dying last May, this is just a blip on the radar. 

We got his CPAP machine about a week ago.  They didn’t have a mask that fit him though.  He has a full face mask but it’s a little too big for him.  

  (Dad is super jealous of his machine too – Nathan has one that warms up the water and has a bunch of fun stuff.)

Just saying – things just don’t stop being added to Nathan’s pile of stuff to deal with. 

We’ve been making adjustments to the head gear for it to fit a little better.  For example, I put snaps in places – like – where it velcros to tighten on his head, because it can’t velcro properly where it’s supposed to because it’s longer then were it would normally be placed.  Also where it attaches to the mask, that is velcroed too and he would pull that apart in his sleep – so I added snaps to make it more secure.  Then today, I added something more to his gear, because he would slip the upper strap on his head and pull it down to pop his mask off, so I added material (with snaps) from the top strap that sits on the top of his head, to the one that sits at the bottom of his head.  Oye!  But we’re trying really hard to make it work.

So over the next few months we are going to be seeing all the specialists again.  So updates will come with all those fun appointments!  Joy to the World.... 

Genetics Appt. No RSS & Diabetes?

Made it to the Genetic's appt.  We haven't seen them in 2 years.  Last time we saw them, they said 2 years unless something changed.  I made a 1 year appointment anyway - and ended up canceling it.  Then I made one earlier this year, and ended up missing it because someone was sick.  So I'm glad that we made it today.

Here is Nathan and Noah in the waiting room.

So the appointment went well - and wasn't EXACTLY what I had expected.

So Noah went first.  Dr. G was rather impressed with him and his progress.   He says that Noah's muscle issues are due to his MT16 because his brain wasn't formed right in utero - it formed different - and because of that his brain isn't communicating with his muscles correctly.  So this is something that he's going to have to deal with for the rest of his life.  He also said that Noah will have to be dependent on someone for the rest of his life - which I hope that isn't true, but it's something that we've been planning on anyway.  Noah is still small for his age.  He was 91 lbs and 59 inches.  Looking at the chart online - I think he's around 15% on the chart for his age for weight. And about 11% for height.

Using this Children's Growth Chart Percentiles Calculator - this is what it told me.

At 13 years and 5 months:

your child is 91 pounds, and that is
at the 20th percentile for weight.

your child is 59 inches, and that is
at the 11st percentile for height

Back to the muscle issue, he says he's doing really well with what he's got and was rather surprised with how much strength he can put out there.  He was impressed with the homeschooling and the progress he's made in the last couple years.  Even though he is still unbelievably behind, we are making progress.  Slow and Steady.

The other thing we had to discuss was Noah's "dirty neck syndrome"  ....  he has this perpetual dirty neck and no matter how much I scrub, I can't get it off - I keep nagging him about it.  Turns out it's a syndrome that can point to pre-diabetes.  It's common in obese kids (people) and those who are pre-diabetic or diabetic.  We checked Noah's sugar today and it was 163 - all he had to drink was one can of 7up and he had a tiny piece of cheese.  That was it.  He didn't really eat until after we got home.  So we're going to check it again in the morning and see what his fasting is.  (Edit: It was 88 for a fasting.  Which is great!!)

Nathan ........ oh Nathan.   So one of the first things he said was "I'm not sure about the Russell Silver Syndrome diagnosis."  ::: smacks my head :::  Really?  REALLY?   This again.  Nathan was diagnosed with RSS in April 2010, it was a clinical diagnosis which most RSS diagnoses are.  I think only about 10% (give or take) are actually genetically confirmed.  Basically - Nathan was diagnosed RSS because he fit the criteria.  But he's never been fully absolutely A-Typical RSS.  So a lot of doctors have made comments about how he doesn't have RSS and they are going to figure out the mystery of Nathan.  Which annoys the piss out of me.  But I guess when it's coming from the Genetic's Doc - who previously agreed with the RSS diagnosis - then I can't be mad.

He says he has some of the facial things, and other physical "symptoms" ... but he doesn't fit well in the RSS box.  That his brain issues are a major concern pointing away from RSS, and all of his speech issues.  So ...  he's thinking it's got to be something else.  It's definitely genetic, but he can't put his finger on anything in particular.    He's doing a carbohydrate deficient transferrin for congenital disorder of glycosylation.  He's also banking DNA and going for a pre-authorization for a Chromosome SNP array analysis.  Which is the newest and greatest in chromosome testing.  He kept calling the tests Nathan had in 2010 as "old fashioned" lol.  I'm like, geez, it wasn't that long ago.   But Dr. G seems pretty confident that it's not RSS now.  So I'm really confused.

Nathan was 42 lbs 44 inches.  He's not even on the charts for his age.  Roger and Dr. G were saying that he's about 50% tile for weight and height for a 5 1/2 year old.   Oye.

Using this Children's Growth Chart Percentiles Calculator - this is what it told me.

At 8 years and 3 months:

your child is 42 pounds, and that is
at less than the 3rd percentile for weight.

your child is 44 inches, and that is
at less than the 3rd percentile for height.

He kept calling me a great mother and that I was doing an amazing job with them.  Makes me feel good.

So here is Noah's Neck.

I guess it's called ACANTHOSIS NIGRICANS ....

I did a home PEE Dip on him tonight too.   He's spilling a TON of blood at the moment.  (He has kidney issues) ...   his Kidney Doc told me that it's not so much the blood - it's more the protein we have to keep an eye on.

His pH was off, Glucose and Ketones and White Blood cells (Leukocytes) were all good ...  Protein was Neg to Trace ...  and his blood in the urine was off the charts.  LOL.   I'm going to have him repeat it tomorrow too.  See how it is.

My Son Almost Died ....

It's like grasping onto a rope, hopelessly and helplessly - trying to surface for air but all you are doing is drowning ... you can't seem to gain control, and then finally, the rope is in your hand and your being pulled through the water ...  until suddenly - unexpectedly - you breech the surface of the water and finally manage to gasp for air - taking in each breath as it burns your lungs but it doesn't matter, because you are breathing.  You are breathing.   The shock is overwhelming, the numbness is a protective measure, and your mind tries to make sense of something that.... you may never, ever make sense of.

 I am not only the parent of children with medical issues, but I am the parent of a child who almost died.  Not just one child, either, but two.

I am still haunted - each week that leads up to Nathan's birthday I'm haunted by the memories that that seep in no matter my trying to block them off and just concentrate on the happiness and the moment...

Noah was so sick ... the local ER had brushed it off as a virus and never really cared to hear what we were saying, he looked like a normal little boy, he was demanding I read books to him to try to escape how bad he felt - but really he was a little boy trying to act not sick because he carries major white coat anxiety.  A child with so many medical issues, who's been through surgeries and countless tests, and he's not always truthful about what is going on or his pain because he fears needles and surgeries, and big human that make him pee in cups.

I can never forget the utter terror running through my veins that morning in April of 2007, when he was lethargic and unresponsive, vomiting and running a 104 temp.  I had to go two hours away to the hospital he was born at, the hospital that his brother would be born at sometime that week...  it was my last doctors appointment - and we were going to find out that day which day that week he (Nathan) would be born.  But here, at home, I had this super sick little boy.  I couldn't choose, I couldn't pick one child over the other.  So I did the ONLY thing I could do, and I picked both.

I had my husband scoop up Noah and put him in the van.  I pumped him full of ibuprofen and tylonel to work his fever down.  We brought a puke bowl, just in case.  We packed up like we were going to have a baby, and threw in some stuff for Noah - just incase.  All I could think was, if he was going to be admitted, I wanted us at the same hospital.

We got there, we went through my ultrasound, my appointment, baby was going to be born that Thursday  Then we focused on Noah, we got him in to see the Urgent Care.   I remember being back in that room for an hour before a doctor got in to see us.  By the time she did, the ibuprofen had worn off, the tylonel was long gone out of his system ... and he was burning up, asleep in my arms, and not waking up ....  I was terrified.

Mostly I was terrified that no one would believe me on how sick he was.  How sick I knew he was.  I felt like I was going to get blown off again and I was going to cry.  This was not my child.  I felt like he was slipping away from me and I couldn't do anything about it.

Then she came in, the doctor, and she sat by me....  and she took one look at him, and it was like she knew.  She knew.

She reassured me, she could tell something was wrong.  She was already talking about admitting him, what tests she was going to do ....  and I just felt ...  free.  Finally someone believed me.  Finally someone took notice to how sick he was.

She later told me, after it was discovered that he had C-Diff, and was in kidney failure, that he was close to dying.  If we hadn't gotten him in when we did - he would have been dead with in a few days.  There would have been no fixing him.  It would have been too far damaging to his tiny little body.

If that wasn't enough....  if the fact that before he was even born I was told he wouldn't survive, period wasn't enough....

I have to go through it again?  Now with Nathan?

Last fall when Nathan was running that mysterious 106 temperature ....  we were taken by ambulance to Seattle ...  but it was just a form of transportation ...  We were scared.  We were watching him and we were scared.  But we never got to that point where we were worried.  We were close, but we weren't there.....

This all started 2 weeks ago.  Just ...  two weeks.

I guess the first clue that things were serious, was when they decided to transport us by ambulance... and we got in the ambulance, and the EMT says "We're going to go lights and sirens, just to get there quicker."

He made it sound like it was no big deal.  Something told me it was.  I brushed off my fears, let myself believe that it was no big deal. But I was messaging his Dad, my Mom, one of my best friends.... freak-king-out....

I remember, the ambulance had shown up super quick.  DB didn't even have the time to get home and get back because he went home - five minutes away - and pack up some stuff.  It sounded like he was definitely going to be admitted.  The ambulance showed up - whisked us away .... and now we were headed to Seattle with the lights and sirens going.  And I remember messaging DB going ... "do you hear the sirens?  Do you hear them?  That's us!"

I remember looking out the back windows of the ambulance, watching cars pull over and watching cars not pull over and thinking what kind of idiots are they ....

Nathan slept.  He doesn't even remember the ambulance ride.  That's what he says now, anyway.

When we were about to get to Seattle Children's .... the EMT in back with us called ahead, and was giving Nathan's stats and he said a few things that caught my attention ..... "Severe Sepsis" and "Kidney Failure" ....

.... I thought, have they gotten Nathan's records mixed up with Noah's?

I messaged my Mom, I messaged Dennis.... I messaged one of my best friends....

I looked at the EMT ... I said "Did I hear you right?"  and he said "That's what we were told, that's what's on his paper work" .... and he handed it to me.  The stack of paper work that was accompanying Nathan.  It showed the blood test results... and various other things....  including the six diagnoses....  including Severe Sepsis and Kidney Failure.  It was right there ... in black and white......

I looked at his blood tests but without google, I really couldn't make heads or tails of it.... but there was definitely some stuff going on ....  levels were high, levels were low....

It was clear my baby was sick.

We got to the ER in Children's and we ended up spending the rest of the day in the ER.  There was a debate - if he should be placed in ICU or on the floor.  It ended up being decided that they would place him in a regular room but the ICU staff, specifically the Risk Nurse, would follow up a few times a day.  We got to the ER at home around 8 AM ....  we got to the Hospital in Seattle right around Noon.  WE DID NOT GET A ROOM UNTIL after Midnight!!!

With in a few day, Nathan got better.  On Mother's Day I was excited.  He was better, he was eating and I got him up to walk - and he wanted to walk more. He was looking AMAZING ...

But then the unthinkable happened.  He went from maybe going home in the next couple days, to being rushed off to the ICU.....

Nathan was in Sepsis Shock.

Lets have a little lesson on Sepsis .....

Many doctors view sepsis as a three-stage syndrome, starting with sepsis and progressing through severe sepsis to septic shock. The goal is to treat sepsis during its mild stage, before it becomes more dangerous.

Sepsis

To be diagnosed with sepsis, you must exhibit at least two of the following symptoms:

• Body temperature above 101 F (38.3 C) or below 96.8 F (36 C)
• Heart rate higher than 90 beats a minute
• Respiratory rate higher than 20 breaths a minute
• Probable or confirmed infection

Severe sepsis

Your diagnosis will be upgraded to severe sepsis if you also exhibit at least one of the following signs and symptoms, which indicate an organ may be failing:

• Significantly decreased urine output
• Abrupt change in mental status
• Decrease in platelet count
• Difficulty breathing
• Abnormal heart pumping function
• Abdominal pain

Septic shock

To be diagnosed with septic shock, you must have the signs and symptoms of severe sepsis — plus extremely low blood pressure that doesn't adequately respond to simple fluid replacement.

Sepsis ranges from less to more severe. As sepsis worsens, blood flow to vital organs, such as your brain, heart and kidneys, becomes impaired. Sepsis can also cause blood clots to form in your organs and in your arms, legs, fingers and toes — leading to varying degrees of organ failure and tissue death (gangrene).

Most people recover from mild sepsis, but the mortality rate for septic shock is nearly 50 percent. Also, an episode of severe sepsis may place you at higher risk of future infections.

Early, aggressive treatment boosts your chances of surviving sepsis. People with severe sepsis require close monitoring and treatment in a hospital intensive care unit. If you have severe sepsis or septic shock, lifesaving measures may be needed to stabilize breathing and heart function.

Medications

A number of medications are used in treating sepsis. They include:

• Antibiotics. Treatment with antibiotics begins immediately — even before the infectious agent is identified. Initially you'll receive broad-spectrum antibiotics, which are effective against a variety of bacteria. The antibiotics are administered intravenously (IV).
  After learning the results of blood tests, your doctor may switch to a different antibiotic that's more appropriate against the particular bacteria causing the infection.
• Vasopressors. If your blood pressure remains too low even after receiving intravenous fluids, you may be given a vasopressor medication, which constricts blood vessels and helps to increase blood pressure.

Other medications you may receive include low doses of corticosteroids, insulin to help maintain stable blood sugar levels, drugs that modify the immune system responses, and painkillers or sedatives.

Supportive care

People with severe sepsis usually receive supportive care including oxygen and large amounts of intravenous fluids. Depending on your condition, you may need to have a machine help you breathe or another to provide dialysis for kidney failure.

Surgery

Surgery may be needed to remove sources of infection, such as collections of pus (abscesses).

This picture (above) is the impact picture on how sick he was.  He was hooked up to SO MUCH stuff.  They were pumping him full of fluids.   He was so swollen ....  

Here is an example of his swelling - this was the day he went to the DR (day prior to hospital) and the first day at the hospital.

Nathan went through all of that - right up to possibly needing the surgery.  He had a UTI, he had an infection in his scrotum which included a small abscess and they determined he had Ecoli also.

We are lucky.  We are, and I know it.  We are grateful to be home.  We are grateful he's on the mend. He's working on healing ....  it's going to be a long road for him.

We are grateful to have HIM home with us and on the mend.

It was all processing with DB while Nathan was in the hospital and I couldn't even begin to process it until after we got home.  It's been five days since we got home.  I'm still processing it.  I still feel as if I'm drowning a little.  I can't make sense of it.  The writer in me has to make sense of things.  This lead to that which caused this reaction and .....

You can't make sense of your child almost dying.

You can't.

I even spent some time looking for support groups today.  There are none ....  none that I could find anyway ...

I realize I need help processing and I can't seem to find any.

I need to express but I can't and don't want to dwell on it ....

I don't know how to get out of this sinking feeling, this feeling like I'm drowning in the what could have been or the what if's ....  I don't live in that space, and I don't like that space, I like to live in the now.

When you have a child that you are basically told is going to die before he is even born, you have to live in the now.  You have to live day to day and not dwell on yesterday or tomorrow.... worry about what is ... right... now.  Celebrate each day the best you can.  Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.  When you know that anything could happen, at any time....  it's hard not to take each moment and cherish it, because that's exactly what you should do.

So I don't understand why I am having such a hard time, after the fact .....  it's not the first time my child has almost died, or that I have been faced with some great odds against us - or even known that my children may have a time clock ticking down faster and hard than my own.

I choose not to live in that .....

....  so I just want to escape it right now..   but the grasp is tight, and it's choking me.

** UPDATE ** May, June & July

.
Here is the long awaited update on the boys ..........

Calahan got his eyes checked out in May.  He needs reading glasses, but he has for years now.  He could go without them, it's a mild prescription.  Much like mine.

Calahan had his first date with his girlfriend :)   Even though they have been dating for about 2 1/2 years.

They went to see Fast 6 at the theater and then we went over to my mom's for a BBQ ...

He's growing up so fast, it's hard to believe in 6 months he'll be 18.   We'll be taking his Senior pictures soon!!

He's such a handsome guy :)

Nathan and Noah at the Ped's office - Noah is NOT happy ...  

Noah  is never happy going to the DR ...  but this day, he was exceptionally grouchy...  LOL.   Noah has a habit of not telling the whole *truth* when he's at the DR.   About what hurts or what's going on.  He'll say he's fine.  He hates the DRs and it causes him a ton of anxiety.

Noah at the doctors 

I had the shock of my life the day of their Ped Well Child....  Noah had gained weight, and height - which is a great thing!  Trust me I'm not complaining about that.   I have also, over the past few months, noticed stretch marks, and he's gotten a little mustache, and a tiny amount of under arm hair....   but when the DR pulled his pants down to check his boy parts, I was NOT expecting what I saw.  I was one of those cartoons with the mouth hanging open.  The other child (who won't be named, but he's older) ... itched and itched and itched, so we knew he was changing, but Noah's never complained.  It was bizarre.  I knew he had started puberty, thought it was too early but according to the experts blah blah blah .. its normal.   What the F*** do they know?  

Now normally I wouldn't talk about that stuff, but ...... I have one of those Mommy moments you want to rewind and take back.   Still reeling from shock, when we got home...  I marched Noah into the kitchen were Dennis was and proceeded to try to pull down Noah's pants to show Dennis do something really embarrassing, and Noah squealed with embarrassment and I snapped out of my shock.  It was a - WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING - moment.   I wasn't thinking, I was in shock.  My 1lb 12oz preemie has HAIR down THERE.  Rewind.  Walk in the door.  "Hey Honey, we're home ....... GUESS WHAT!!!   It's confirmed, Noah's started puberty."  Walks into bedroom.  Yep, that's how it should have went.  

Dumb Mom.......

So ... let's see, what was next.....

Beginning of June we went to Seattle for Noah's Nephrology appointment. If you don't know what Nephrology is... it's the kidney Dr.   So we had a check up with him and Noah's still pretty stable.  They did some blood work but it seems it turned out all good since I haven't heard anything otherwise.  We all went that day ......

After that appointment we went to what we thought was going to be an Orthodontist appointment, but all it was - was another pediatric dentist.  We already have one of those.  She told us the only way to get orthodontics covered by insurance was through Cranial Facial   ...  Now, Noah use to see Cranial Facial   in WI and I dropped the ball on that specialty when we moved here.  So we got a referral to the one that is at Seattle Children's (that Nathan sees) ...  so I'm hoping maybe there is a chance, but I doubt it.  I'm not holding out any hope on that so we're trying to raise money for it.

So ...  Noah's oral surgery was scheduled for the end of June and the dentist we saw above made me feel as if the only way to get Noah Orthodontics was if we went through them and saw the surgeon that she wanted to do the oral surgery, because she was the one who did the orthodontics through Cranial Facial  ... but our local Pediatric Dentist, whom we know and love - had already scheduled the surgery ...  so we decided to go ahead and do the surgery.  So in late June we went in... it was Nathan's last day of school.  I got Nate in the van and Dennis called my cell and asked if I left yet, cuz they called to see if we could come in early.  So Noah came out, we dropped Nathan off, and then I took Noah to the dentist.  She did the surgery right at her office.  So she came out and told me they pulled 17 baby teeth out of his mouth.  You have 20 baby teeth that you lose between (normally) 6 and 12.  He had lost only 3, and those were always a pain to get out, they were loose forever - not for lack of trying, they just didn't want to fall out.  Much like the rest of his baby teeth.  But all his adult teeth were coming in around or behind the baby teeth ...  Noah had three rows of teeth ...his baby teeth in front, the front two adult teeth behind those, and then the two teeth that are suppose to be beside the front to teeth behind the adult front teeth ... on both his upper and lower jaws.  He has an incredibly small jaw. She also fixed a couple cavities he had - no more No Cavities Club for him.

So yeah....   he came home with 17 teeth in a bag, and 12 teeth in his mouth ...

He is still struggling with eating stuff.  Most of his adult teeth are coming up all at once now that the baby teeth are out of the way.  

Also Noah saw Orthopedics about his legs.  Now, Orthopedics says it's not an Ortho issue, and sent us to a Rheumatoid Arthritis doctor.... we just saw him, and he says - that he doesn't *think* he has it.  Even if it makes sense with his symptoms he doesn't have the wear and tear that would come with having it all his life untreated.  He's not saying he absolutely doesn't - but he says because he came in symptom free, and from what he saw, he doesn't think he has JRA...   so we still don't know why Noah's legs are in pain all the time.

Nathan has officially graduated Kindergarten!

 He was so proud :)

So in May, Nathan had another appointment with Dr. G in Urology, Dr. B's colleague whom trained under him, and hes going to be the one handling Nathan's hypospadious/undecended testicle surgery.  We liked him enough, still like Dr. B better but he's not doing surgeries at the hospital anymore and since Nathan will be staying in the hospital, it has to be done at the hospital.  Dr. B promised we were in good hands though.  Dr. B did his last surgery (2nd one) and the first one was done in Wisconsin.  This will be his 3rd surgery, and even this may not be the last.   They are going to be taking some skin from inside his cheek to put around his urethra to try to bring it to the tip of his penis since it's still on the underside.

Nathan absolutely LOVES the dyson hand dryers..... he will keep using them over and over and over and over...  LOL....  and he laughs when he's doing it...  

Nathan's self portrait drawn on one of the dry erase boards at the DR.  He's a happy mutant cyclopes... but at least he's smiling! 

Then we saw Dr. P (ENT) and we talked about his surgery ... and he wanted to look at Nathan's ears.  He said ... his left ear is con-caved in right now with the tube out.  He talked about taking his tonsils and adenoids out...  and they were going to try to schedule both surgeries together.  But he forgot about the talking about taking the tonsils and adenoids out.  So we had to go back to see him to talk about that again.  @@  LOL...   it is what it is, right?   So got that all squared away, and he decided to NOT take out his adenoids.  So hes going to get tubes and then his tonsils and because of his fragility - he'll be staying over night for that too.  :/

Because, after waiting a month and a half, FINALLY got a call with a date and found out they couldn't schedule them together.  I know that Dr. P wanted it done ASAP because of the way its affecting him.   So I just had them schedule them separately....  his Urology one will be August 2nd (next week, er, a week from tomorrow) and the ENT one will be September 3rd.  

So in other news, one hot afternoon when moods were boiling, Nathan pissed off Kaedyn somehow (really, its not that hard) and Kaedyn picked up a full 2 liter bottle of soda (Mt. Dew to be specific) ... and THREW IT AT NATHAN hitting him in the head.  He came crying and screaming and blood GUSHING out of his nose ..  (I have pictures of the massacre but I won't share, cuz it looks like someone was murdered.)  Anyway - I knew he probably broke his nose, but it wasn't obvious like Noah's had been when he broke his in Aug. 2011.  So we took him to see the same DR.  Noah had seen when he broke his.  Anyway, it was a process.  We didn't take him in the night it happened because we took Noah to the ER with an OBVIOUS break, and they hemmed and hawed over if it was broken or not, they TOLD Dennis it wasn't but then send them home with paperwork that said it was!  Regardless, Noah saw the local ENT the following day and he said it was absolutely broken.  So - we felt it was pointless if they couldn't tell that Noah's broken nose was broken, Nathan's wasn't obvious - so they'd say it wasn't.  So the day after it happened, he woke up with brusing in the corner of his eyes by his nose, and across the bridge of his nose.   We took him into the Ped to get the referral to the ENT, and had to stop for x-rays in between.

The verdict.  Hair-line Fracture.  It would heal in 6 to 8 weeks.

Nathan has also been having a lot of asthmatic coughing spells so we've increased his nebby treatments.  He is really good now for them though, sits there like a champ!

This is Nate and Kaedyn playing one hot day under the A/C in the master bedroom ...  it's a one room A/C.  They kept themselves occupied with their Leap pads.  

Eating a snack after therapy one day.  Nathan still had therapy so ... Nathan was HAWNGRY so we got a snack.  Got Noah some too for after his therapy.

This was BRIBERY ..  I found this at Goodwill and it was only a couple dollars, Nathan LOVES Angry Birds.  So this was bribery to put on short sleeves because he just won't.   So - it obviously worked!  Once he's in them and he's not throwing a fit, he's okay.  It's putting it on and fit ensues....  

This is another day at Seattle Children's with the Dyson Hand Dryers ....  LOL

 They make him so happy!

Nathan got his Sure Steps that he was fitted for w/ the last update.  He actually enjoys wearing them.  They said socks on the inside, and always have shoes on, well, that's easy for them to say.  Nathan is mostly inside and he doesn't wear shoes inside, he barely wears socks....  so we put socks on the inside after Mommy got to see them on his (bare) feet and put slippers on, that works.... right?   We also figured we could just put socks on the outside too if he wanted that ...  that way, not so slippery ...   hospital socks!  Or socks with treads on the bottom....   note to self, steal many hospital socks while in the hospital ....  and get socks with threads....

 He did have some redness after wearing them for awhile....

Nothing makes me happier then those moments where Nathan is giving me those true smiles.  Like this.  Not the smiles to appease me ... the ones where I have to say "Look at Mom" a hundred times and "Smile" fifty.   No - this is a spontaneous smile...   this is the best smile EVER ...

He got to go bare back riding at our friend Lisa's one day recently ...   he didn't like bare back riding much...

But he had a BLAST leading De around.  And just look at that picture.  He is a 6 year old little boy who is the size of a two year old, leading a horse around.   WOW right?

We got Nathan's new ear pieces for his hearing aids today.  This is what he picked up....

Kaedyn got signed up for his THIRD year of Pre-school.   This bummed me out soooooo much.  Kaedyn is totally 100% ready for Kindergarten - first kid who is very clearly ready.  But he missed the cut off by EIGHT DAYS!!!!   Ugh....  the cut off is Sept. 1 and his b-day is Sept. 9.   Yep, 8 days....

Kaedyn went back to the eye doctor and got a new pair of glasses, a little weaker prescription ... he went with Daddy and picked out his own glasses and was much more open and not as shy during the whole process so it worked much better...  Here is my handsome guy with his new glasses.

At the end of school they sent home a whole bunch of artwork......

And here he is with this end of the year diploma

He also drew his first self portrait for me .......

I always knew he was a box head.  Wait........ since he's a mini-me, does that mean I'm a square head?

For a little treat, here is Nathan, Kaedyn and Mickey Mouse at Seattle Childrens ...

And one last thing, we have some new furries in our family right now.  Our Cat, Autumn, had kittens.  She had five - one had severe Spina Bifida ... she lasted over 24 hours, and then Cupid, was a white kitten with only an orange tail and an orange heart on the back of his head ...  he died of Kitten Vanishing Syndrome which is pretty much Failure to Thrive.  We tried to save him ...  it was really sad.

Marnie is our kitten herder ...  she literally runs around them keeping them on the bed... it's funny.   The kitten names,  Rex is the Orange one climbing on Marnie.  Abby is the one that she's "hugging" and Boo is the black and white Persian ...  we lubs them.   Originally we weren't going to keep any but we had to put our cat Mia to sleep.  So ...  yeah.  There went that theory.

And I think that's it for this update!!  Next will be some entries from the hospital for the first surgery, I'm sure....