Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Sick Kids...

We are getting over the flu in our house.... and in a way it sucks because as a mom of children with health issues.... the simple flu, means so much set back.....

For example... the mother of a typical child - they get the flu, they get the flu... it sucks, no one likes to see their child sick ... however... they might lose a little weight, have problems eating for a day ... but they bounce right back....

Not my kids.....

Nathan ... my youngest... we're having weight concerns with... He has always been on his own growth curve, and came home on the NG tube because - due to his Cleft Palate/High Palate issues - was not catching on to eating from a bottle... so it has been a struggle to get him to eat. He is 8 months old and eating about 3oz at a feeding... and that's about 5 or 6 bottles a day... and the last couple months, one reason being that he got sick with his Hydrocepholus in August & September ... and now the flu.... AND the child will NOT STOP MOVING!! ... he's not even 11lbs and is trying to crawl! So ... his weight gain, has NOT been impressive... they expect children who have low birth weights to at LEAST follow the general growth curve, meaning they are on their own curve, but at least following the typical patter..... Nathan is not... see.. Noah was 1lb 12oz at birth, and I looked it up in his records..... at 8 months old, he hit 12lbs 4oz... Nathan was 10lbs 11oz... 2 weeks before that, 10 lbs 11oz... 2 weeks before that... 10lbs 5oz... and at the start of this flu bug... when we took Nathan into the ER.... he was already back down to 10lb 6oz .. that's a months weight loss :( And I'm SURE he's lost more....

We were finally making improvements in Nathan's eating before the flu hit last week.... we were almost up to 4oz a feeding! I was very excited about that..... now, we're back between 2oz and 3oz... and what kicks me worse is that he is REFUSING to eat after he throws up now... he refused to eat Saturday night for 5 hours and then went to bed for the night... so from about 4pm to his wake up at 7am-ish... and then, tonight.... he vomited again - not sure if it was more of a spit up type thing or what (I wasn't in the room, Nathan was in his highchair, we were just sitting down for dinner when it happened... Dad was in the kitchen with all 3 boys) ... Calahan says that it seemed like he was choking on something - but all he had on his tray was toys... and I checked them all over... he had only been in his seat for about 30 seconds..... I put him in there and then turned and headed to the bathroom...

And then...... he cried for about an hour, over tired, and hungry... and refused to eat...

I know we're headed to a feeding tube........ :(

And Noah - poor Noah is so tramatized from DRs and Hospitals and ERs and everything that he just refuses to "be sick" ... even when he's sick and throwing up and just dog ill... he will fight with you that he is NOT SICK ...

the last thing he wants is another trip to the DR, fretting about getting poked and prodded ... needles, IVs, shots, blood tests........

It is really REALLY sad, when a 5 year old, knows what an IV is.....

Noah's Pregnancy & Birth Story

NOAH'S PREGNANCY & BIRTH STORY

I want to thank everyone first for reading this. It's not an easy, or short story at all. So, guess I better get started.....

We wanted another baby right away, right after Calahan was born…. So when he was 3 months old, we started to “try”..... I wanted Calahan to have some sort of "twin" experience.... I wanted them close. 4 more miscarriages, and 5 years later......... still we didn't have a baby.... and I was losing hope, VERY quickly........

Calahan said to me one morning, while waiting for his Pre-school bus.... "Mom, you're gonna have a baby pretty soon." And I looked at him like he was nuts. The following week, I had an appointment with a new DR.... I just wanted to get my periods in order because they were somewhat irregular... and the 10 minutes I was in his office...... gave me a whole new hope. In 10 minutes he told me he was going to give me Clomid, and we'd have another baby. I was in shock...... and looked at Calahan in a whole new light!

~*~ PREGNANCY STORY ~*~

It took another 4 months to get pregnant.... I was SURE I wasn't that month, didn't even want to be because I was under a lot of stress....It wasn't a good time. But on June 25th I conceived a baby...... that is my birthday, June 25th. And I found out July 6th that we were pregnant - I was in shock, aww... and disbelievement.... I even took a Home Pregnancy test because I didn't believe the blood one they did at the DRs office... and that was positive before I even put it down on the counter!! I was pregnant............................... I was really pregnant...............

I asked for an ultrasound right away... I just needed to know everything was ok. After 5 miscarriages, who could blame me right? Our first one was about a week and a half after we found out. All we saw was the sac :( I was scared for the week I had to wait until we had our second one.... on July 26th (my best friend's birthday) we went in.... and there he was. Just a tiny little line, with a heartbeat - and we HEARD his heartbeat!!! I was 6 1/2 weeks pregnant... the due date was March 17th 2002, which made complete sense because I had gotten preggo on my b-day. The first one we had gotten was March 14th....

As excited as we were, I felt GREAT!! Nothing like I had with Calahan. A little now and then, but not bad at all. I was making plans... actually made my BIRTH plan on everything I wanted for my natural un-induced vaginal birth.. I was looking forward to doing it again..... no medication... lots of relaxation (yeah right)..... and I wanted to breastfeed the baby. I tried with Cal but had been unsuccessful.... I really wanted to do it... just to have the experience at least. We had another ultrasound in August, for some reason the baby measured smaller and came up with a due date of March 22nd, which I knew wasn’t right. I asked my DR about it, and he sorta blew it off – saying that ultrasound is the one they actually use to get a due date and the other ones before that are measuring the size of the sac and this one was measuring the baby. Well, I knew when I got pregnant, and St. Patrick’s was my due date.

I hit about 4 months pregnant and opted for the AFP... Cal's had come back normal and I had no doubt that this one too, but yet, deep down, I was worried it would. I figured everything was fine cuz they never called, and I figured they would before my next appointment. So, we went in for our routine appt. and got the news........ the AFP had come back abnormal. There was a chance for both spina bifida and for Downs... now how could THAT be?? Usually it's one or the other. I wanted to go to the next step of a level II us... but hubby pushed for the amnio. "We'll know for sure" he said "And you get the side benefit of finding out if it's a boy or girl"..... so I reluctantly said ok. We did the amnio.... and on October 30th we went in to get the results. "The baby doesn't have Downs or Spina Bifida... but it does have a very rare genetic condition called Mosaic Trisomy 16" just about everything went on a deaf ear after that........ except at the end, when he had said "Oh, and by the way, it's a boy!"........... our Noah.. ... Noah Alexander..... we had his name already picked out. He became Noah from then on.

Mosaic Trisomy 16 happens the same way DOWNS happens... only it's nothing like it. While the cells are splitting and creating.... instead of there being 2 cells of each chromosome in each cell, while 2 are splitting..... three 16th Chromosomes go into one cells, leaving only 1 for the other. The one cell with only 1 of the 16th chromosome dies off.... and the one with 3 continues to regenerate and split, causing more cells to have 3 in it. Mosaic - means pieces - not all the cells have it, only pieces........... Trisomy means 3...... and the 16 is the chromosome number involved. There are other Trisomys.... 21 (Downs) 13, 18 ....... but Noah's doesn't have a, what I refer to, "cutesy" little name. So we just refer to it as MT16.......

I immediately got on the computer searching for information..... and only found one place with anything helpful at all. I e-mailed the lady in charge of it, and she e-mailed me back. She became my Angel - providing me with information and hope. Her daughter was born just after Calahan (she was born Valentines Day ’96) with this ... and she, because SHE couldn't find anything at the time, started this group that is a wealth of info! It was wonderful having some hope and some information.

The rest of my pregnancy was sorta uneventful - other then going through tests and talking to people who really didn't have a clue what they were dealing with trying to pretend they did....... someone even brought up the "abortion" issue which he was flatly told that was NOT an option – we fought for 5 years for this baby – there was NO way we would do anything like that. If it was meant to be, God would see to it.. I was put on moderate activities when I started having contractions in September/November. Nothing really worried about - didn't usually show up on the monitor... although a few of them did. My goal was to make it until Valentines Day... when I could have him in the hospital at home ... (But odds are, the would have sent him to Marshfield anyway because he was so small, I never expected him to be THAT small...... )... there were some complications inside... Noah was of course measuring very tiny .... imagine going in every time you have an ultrasound and the baby is measuring to a whole new due date... March 14, March 17, March 22, April 3, April 6, April 15, April 20.......................

I knew I was gonna have a small baby..... so I started buying preemie clothes. Prepared Calahan for it. Prepared ourselves.... but nothing could have prepared us.  I was honestly scared.  I would go into the baby departments at stores - knowing I needed to prepare for his arrival ....  but in the back of my head I kept hearing ... "he's not going to make it" .... and I couldn't buy anything new.  My mom got us a bassinet ...  a carseat/stroller combo .... We had a playpen .... and a friend of mine gave us a changing table.  I pulled out stuff that I still had from Calahan - washed it all - folded it .... but we didn't buy anything new .... others did and were given to us - but I couldn't get myself to do it.  I didn't want to come home to find all those things slapping me in the face if he didn't make it.  I had FAITH he would make it - but the what if's haunted me.  We bid on Preemie clothes on ebay - back then they didn't have preemie stuff at the stores ...  not until after he was born did they start to put stuff in the stores. 

I was figuring he would be about 4lbs when he was born.  I got Calahan this baby doll that felt like a real baby - had some weight to it - about 4 lbs ....  and we practiced taking care of the baby.  Named the doll "Baby Noah"


I had been homeschooling Calahan... and decided in January to put him back into school. I knew that we didn't really "know" what to expect with the baby - but I did expect to have to give him a lot of attention and possibly go to a lot of appointments for him. And I hadn't been able to devote the time to Calahan that I needed to, to Home school him. I wasn't happy - but was happy with his school. They all made me feel better. Calahan's first day was January 28th... the day I went in for my 2nd NST. I got hooked up to all the monitors and sat there with my apple juice and water, and my book.... and was there, and there and there......... the monitor was showing my contractions in a more consistent pattern, which worried them. They threatened to give me a shot to stop them, and I freaked out (I hate needles!!) And I asked the nurse to give me a few minutes, and let me drink some more and try to calm down (I could get them to go away if I tried sometimes)....... and I flipped over to my left side (I prefer my right).... and while I was doing this.... Noah had a heart deceleration. She said he did, and I started to argue with her, because he was a little bugger, tiny as he was, he wasn’t easy to track on those things, and we lost him all the time on the monitor, and it sounded to me, like we just lost his beat there...... but she showed me the tape, and said "Look right here, you can SEE the line go down"....... and she was right. That freaked me out. I was there for FOUR hours!! I didn't get out of there until after noon, but I did manage to escape shot-less!! I was told to go straight home and lay down and be back ASAP the next morning. So, I went and got lunch at Taco Bell....then drove up to hubby's work and told My Ex what was going on, then picked Calahan up at school, drove back up to Dad's work to pick him up, then went home... and THEN laid down the rest of the night.

The next morning I went in right after I dropped Calahan off at school. It was around 8:30....... got weighted and pressured (which was WORSE then I've EVER seen it before!! The bottom number was over 100!!) Then had to give them a pee test.... and up to the monitors I went... I laid there, with my juice, water & book... and started reading. Contractions being recorded every couple of minutes..... and look here.... a heart deceleration.... and another....... and another. Pretty soon my DR was in there and said "We have a couple problems.... several red flags are going up".... I was scared now. I had called my Mom the day before to tell her what happened and told her not to worry!! Now I was worried!! "We have the 1st flag of Noah's MT16, then on top of it we have the fact that you've developed Pre-eclampsia literally overnight, and now he's having heart decelerations, and your contractions. You need to go to the hospital....and we need to start the steroid shots for his lungs... then we'll go from there." I asked if I could go pick up My Ex Husband, before going to the hospital, considering we were down to one car that week.... his answer, NO, absolutely not. That's what scared me the most!! I couldn't even go across town to pick up My Ex Husband. I called My Ex at work.... and told him what was going on. Then I called my Mom and the first thing out of my mouth was "You can worry now".... she booked a flight that night, would be there late the following night. I got the 1st of 3 shots to boost Noah's lungs that were already almost mature on their own...... we hoped. And headed to the hospital. I got in the car, and LOST IT. Literally cried to the point of not being able to see for the 6 blocks from the clinic to the hospital where my first son had been born. I literally almost ran into My Ex who had been told to leave by his boss, and his boss even lent his car to a co-worker to get My Ex to the hospital. I saw him and lost it worse, bawling in the parking lot. We went in together... I was put in a room, only a few rooms down, from where Calahan was born. They made me change, put the IV in, and the monitors on. Had trouble finding the little booger - course, they always did the way he moved around, he still had lots of room. I had asked my DR if I could go home later, and he said he didn't know.... we could be having a baby. So I was well on my way to terrified... and they complained my BP was too high.... wonder why.... the nurse who took care of me going in, was the same nurse who had sat with me through most my labor with Calahan.

I had my other 2 shots... I ended up being in the hospital for 4 days, each day my DR would come in and tell me what was going on..... I wasn't behaving (blood pressure) and neither was Noah (heart decelerations)... and it seems worse at night. One night, they even had to put the O2 mask on me. I would start out by asking him if I could go home yet ... (jokingly really, but praying for a yes) and he'd ask me if I wanted to stay or go to the hospital 2 hours away where there was the better NICU & High Risk center. I would always tell him I wanted to stay as long as possible. I was put in the hospital on my son's second day of school, it was tough enough on him, I didn't want to be whisked away from him any sooner then I had to. On the other hand, I had been telling my DR from Noah’s diagnosis that I wanted him to make sure to take Noah out before anything happened to him in utero (we had a bad – small – placenta, low fluid, and other things) There was no way that I'd be able to deliver Noah vaginally with the heart decels... so my dreams for that was dashed. Thursday I got my 2nd amnio to check on his lungs (they are NOT pleasant) ((This time Noah thought the needle was a new toy and went to grab it, my DR had to pull it out of my uterus and he said “Bad baby” then had to put it back in after Noah turned away – OUCH!)) and the fluid came out light yellow. DR was a little concerned about that. Said it may take longer to get the results back. So, we waited - and it did. All we knew was that it was bili ruben in the fluid. What that meant, we didn't know. But we had hope - and prayed a lot. Noah already had a massive connection with his big brother. My MIL had brought Calahan over from school that first night I was there, and I was all hooked up.... Noah was sleeping, no "BOOM BOOMS" on the machine..... and the second Calahan walked in the room and said “Hi Mom”..... Noah woke up and the room was filled with "BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM" .. it was so cute. Then when Cal left, Noah went back to sleep.

Friday morning, February 1st...... the day before my Mom's birthday, and the 7th year anniversary of My Ex's & My first date...... my nurse who had taken care of me the first day, walked in and said "You're leaving, I had to come give you a hug" and we're all like "What??" "Oh, whoops," she said. "I let the cat outta the bag"... MY DR came in shortly after and told me he wasn't giving me a choice anymore, I was going to Marshfield. We'd probably have the baby the next day. His lungs were "almost" mature, but not "all" the way there. I was giving breakfast (rarely allowed to eat the 4 days I was there)... and then Becky (my nurse who was there for Cal & the 1st day) decided to ride with me. We went in ambulance the whole way there. Long and boring ride. I tried to read... but just wasn't into it much. Too worried. Got to the hospital, in an L&D room.... (ours were MUCH nicer) ... and told they were going to do some tests (bloodwork & us) and I couldn't have anything to eat or drink. I asked why, and she said because they may do the c-section that day... I was like NO WAY that's not what my DR said! Everything from there seems to be a flash... the US tech came in, and started the ultrasound, Noah waved at us and showed us he was a boy again - yes Noah, we knew that! Then the vampire came in for my blood and asked me if I was "Annissa ******" and I said "Yes, it's not like I can lie and try to go hide"..... and they took my blood while I was having the ultrasound. My Ex walked in at that point, here they had been there awhile but told a different room... (my post. room) and had been waiting in there. My Ex said he was gonna go with Cal and leave my Mom and he'd be back right away in the morning. I told him he wasn't going anyway - he was gonna wait to hear what the DR said. The DR walked in a few minutes later and told us, we're gonna have a baby. The placenta was starting to fail horribly and we had yet another red flag flopping in the wind.



~*~ The Birth ~*~

They prepared me quickly… shaved me, put the horrible catheter in. L Walked My Ex through it. By about 3:15pm I was in the operating room (I had gotten there about noon!) ... The spinal was HORRIBLE...... and I never want another one.. but if I want another baby I'll have to get one. I have to have a c-section from now on. Things went quickly from there... I was trying so hard not to cry... trying not to look at My Ex because if I looked at him, I'd cry. Trying not to think about Noah, but what else is there to think about. The ONLY thing I had hoped for, was to hear him cry. I just wanted to hear him cry and know he was ok!! Next thing I knew everyone is yelling "3:45, 3:45" and both My Ex and I were like "What?" Only took us a few minutes to figure out Noah had been born, no one told us. We looked over to the room where he had been taken, a room off to the side of the OR, closed off but with a window of it’s own... and there were a bunch of DRs and people in there. We didn't even see him... hadn't even known he was born. No one said "IT's a boy" or anything......... and that's one of those things that still kills me to this day. We just wanted to know if he was ok, and didn't know anything.

I was taken back to my room... and we knew nothing. It took a little while for people to start coming in. First thing out of everyone's mouth was what a cutie he was. We were told of specific little problems... micro preemie weight - told to us in grams (that means what?) ... looks good, on the vent - didn't want him to even try to breath so they didn't let him.... had 3 little holes in his heart... and a few other things... Said we (meaning everyone but me) could go see him in about 20 minutes. 4 hours later, My Ex, his mom, my mom and Calahan finally got in to see him, (after 7pm). Came back showing me one of his diapers, and some video... and told me he was 1lb 12.2oz and 13 3/4 inches. Gave me some Polaroid’s too. My Ex and Calahan left shortly after, leaving my Mom with me. We played Uno for awhile waiting for my feeling to come back. Finally it came back enough that I could move my feet and legs - and so they told me I could go see Noah now... it was around 9:20pm. I tried so hard not to cry when I first saw him. He was SO TINY... just unbelievable..... I couldn't believe it.... just couldn't. "The first 24 hours will tell the difference" I was told..... I had no doubt, he was here, he would make it...

This was taken 2-2-02 ... Noah was on the vent for about 40 hours, not even two days!
I pushed myself the morning after he was born, I wanted to get up and do it NOW because I wanted to go see him. I almost fainted. Came so close I had tunnel vision and couldn't hear a thing. But I did it..... and I was up and walking around the rest of the day. Back and forth to the NICU... coming back, and starting pumping for the first time.... Noah did great though!! He came off the vent about 40 hours after he had been born...... the nurses would walk past his bed and stop dead, wondering why this 1 lb baby was OFF the vent.
Taken 2-3-02 ... after being removed from the vent.  That is TY Beanie Bear HOPE with him.
And after a week, he was basically termed as a "feeder, grower"
2-14-02 - Valentine's Day - all I wanted was for him to hit 2lbs and he did that day!  We were in the process of doing Kangaroo Care where baby and parent are skin to skin.
Noah had several problems in the NICU... he had hyperbilirubinsim (his jaundice would keep coming back), he had his heart murmurs, he had some bradys (basically heart decelerations) - mostly the couple weeks before coming home - some of them were not "true" bradys... he had some fluid on his brain they were concerned about, ended up freaking me out - but we were suspicious because our friends baby had the same thing, what are the odds of that - ended up being a temp ultrasound tech and the normal one who deals with the NICU babies said it was a variation of normal, and they were fine... wheeew... they saw his right kidney was enlarged (I donno if that has gotten better or not) ... he had umbilical and groin hernias... and a hypospadious (his urinary tract went to the underside of his penis instead of the tip)... and he went through other tests for his MT16. We found out the placenta was 100% MT16, the blood was 0% MT16, they did a skin graph on him, and his skin cells were 30% MT16 which is what they found in the amniotic fluid was 30% from the amnio. We are lucky to have him.
Tiny hands ..... 

And TINY feet ....
We were there 6 1/2 long weeks, and he came home the day after his due date. He came home at 3lb 10oz! Can you believe it??? Everyone asks me if I was freaked out taking him home then, but I wasn't at all. I had been taking care of him while he was in the NICU – by the time he was 3 weeks old I was doing a lot of what the nurses did. I was there between 8 and 9am and didn’t leave until 10 usually. A week later he ended up back in the NICU for 5 days, due to a cold. That was heartbreaking. We had just left and there we were again.

Easter Day 2002 - back in the NICU for a cold (thought possible RSV) ... NICU Bunny came to visit
A couple of months old, in a baby doll crib.  (A Bitty Baby crib to be exact, from American Girls)

Noah has had a lot of ongoing issues - asthma, hearing loss, oral sensitivity issues, various other things... most recently he fought a round with C-Diff and was close to his kidneys failing... He has had a long journey so far, and a longer one to continue...
4-17-07 - In the hospital w/ his kidney's failing and C-Diff - two days before becoming a big brother
At the time this blog is written - he is 5 years old... just barely tippin 30lbs... he has low muscle tone in his legs and a hard time walking some days - but he really doesn't let anything stop him ... unless he doesn't want to do something, and then he'll complain.. lol...
Age 5 - in the NICU with his little brother
He is an amazing little boy...

BLOG REVISIT:  4-24-12 ....  Noah is now 10 years old! 
2-1-12 ...  Noah's 10th Birthday ... with Treasure Buddy
Noah is 56 lbs and 14oz ... and 4 ft 3 inches... he's at the 4th percentile for height and the 6th for weight.. (as of a couple days ago).   He is in 4th grade, but only at a 1st/2nd Grade level ...   He has gotten a hearing aid...
Significant hearing loss in his left ear has given the need for a hearing aid
His kidney's healed somewhat but we've had to keep close eye on them.  Everytime he gets sick he spills a lot of blood into his urine because being sick makes them crabby apparently ....   He also broke his nose summer of 2011...
With a broken nose, summer 2011
He fell down the stairs where we live and broke it ....  he needed surgery to fix it.

Noah was also diagnosed with dyslexia ... he is a very smart and charismatic kid.  He says he has no friends but everytime he's around kids, he's drawing them in, playing with them, and at school the kids FLOCK to him.  I took him to school one day after some doctors appointments - his class was going out for recess - they all circled around him going "Noah you're here!!"   He is missed by his friends when he's not around.   He also love to help out other kids with medical issues... he had a classmate with severe autism and Noah was the only one who could help him do what he was suppose to at school or calm him down sometimes.   He's still an amazing kid ....albeit a drama king, but he is amazing non-the-less..... 

Calahan's Pregnancy & Birth Story ...and beyond!

Calahan's Pregnancy & Birth Story

~ Pregnancy ~

My Ex and I knew we wanted kids. And after we got engaged, we started "trying" for them. Even though we were both 18 & 19. It didn't take long at all. We were engaged February 19th, 1995. That month we were disappointed when we found out we weren't pregnant. But understood. March, I knew I was pregnant. Suddenly things started changing, and I just knew. The end of March, something happened, and I went through one of the most difficult things of my life, my first miscarriage. The horrible cramping, unbelievably painful, the heavy bleeding, I knew .. I knew I was losing my baby. I had My Ex call me into work, and tell them that I had food poisoning. I was too much of an emotional mess, and in too much pain to even attempt to work.
The end of April, I felt weird. The pregnancy symptoms never went away. I didn't know what to do, so I went back into the DR. They did another pregnancy test (after numerous negatives at home from March to then) and I still remember the moment.... I was sitting in the little waiting room across from the lab. One of the lab techs, a woman with blonde hair, came in and said "Annissa?" and I said "Yes." She said "It's definitely positive. Congratulations." And told me to make my first OB appointment on my way out. I was in shock. My Ex and my Mom were out in the main waiting area waiting for me. When I came out - I can't begin to imagine what they saw on my face as I walked up to the appointment counter and made my first OB appointment. I was in pure shock... I was pregnant.
A week later, I found out that I had been right. I was about 8 weeks along, and it had been twins. Counting back to the miscarriage was 4 weeks, it had been twins that I had been carrying and I had lost one of my precious babies. But I also knew that I was a little further along then they thought, by a week or alittle more. They didn't seem to want to listen to me, I'm sure they just saw me as a "kid" who didn't know anything and had gotten herself into trouble.
In May I had a horrible scare, It was about 2 weeks before our wedding, maybe a little less, and I started having horrible pains. I thought for sure it was going to happen again... I was going to lose this baby too. I was so scared, and all alone. I called the DR and they told me to lay down on my side and sip on some 7-Up, and if it didn't go away, to call back. I called my Mom, I was so scared. Woke her up. She ended up going to get me 7-up and coming down for a little while. Then she went home but told me if I needed her again, to call. She lived 5 minutes away. It was a little while before My Ex came home, and he got as worried as I was. He held me on the couch, and we watched movies, until the pains finally went away. All I could think of, was thank goodness they had gone away.
June 9th, the day before our wedding, we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. What a wonderful wedding gift from our baby.
June 10th, our wedding day. It rained all morning, and we were having an outdoor wedding. The weather man promised it would clear up late morning, and possibly come back late evening. Our wedding was at 3pm. It was cloudy and overcast all day, sprinkling on and off. I remember being nervous, not knowing what we were doing, because we hadn't had a rehearsal. We swung it rather well, not knowing exactly. And when I stepped out, infront of everyone, the clouds parted and the sun suddenly came out. God was blessing us, our marriage, our family. The sun stayed out for the wedding, and for most of the pictures. After we went inside and sat down for the dinner, it started raining again. It was a wonderful night. Even though we tried to keep it small and cheap - I wouldn't trade that for a bigger wedding. After the dance, we headed over to my G'ma and Mom's apartment to drop of the gifts for the gift opening the following day. I was not feeling well. We got home, to our little apartment, and starting that night, came the morning "all day" sickness. I was 12 weeks pregnant, and for the next month, I was throwing up 2 to 10 times a day, everyday. And it magically disappeared 4 weeks later.
August - we felt our first movements. Flutters, like butterflies - or bubbles popping.
The first time I felt a REAL kick was not too long after. I was walking in the mall with my best friend, Casandra, and Cyndi. We were sitting down, having pretzels the first time it happened. It felt like someone had come over and poked me in the belly.. but no one was around. I didn't know what it was, so I just brushed it off. Then as we were walking, I remember I was a few feet behind them, it happened again. It felt like someone had poked me in the stomach. I stopped, and so did they. Confused, I said to Casandra, did you just poke me in the belly? She looked at me funny, and told me no. Then it dawned on me, it felt like it was from the inside out... and I realized, that was the first hard kicks.
It was soon after that, that I started getting really sick. I was so dizzy all the time, my vision was blurring, I had no energy, and so many other things. I ended up at the DR and found out my blood pressure was shooting sky high, and I was scared. Turned out I had something called Pre-eclampsia. I was only considered borderline though, because I didn't have the protein in my urine. But I had all the other symptoms, including the rapid weight gain (by the end of the pregnancy, I gained almost 70lbs). For the rest of the pregnancy, I was on and off bed rest, in and out of the DRs a lot, and considered High Risk. I just wanted everything to be ok, I just wanted my baby to be healthy.
We hit December... the month we were due. Due December 25th, Christmas Day. I was at the point where I just wanted to see our baby. I spent December literally jumping up and down, trying to get something going. I was already almost 2 cm dilated and 90% effaced... and being told "any day now"... I wanted my baby. The only thing I managed to do, was to get my water to leak, and end up in L&D 4 different times with them telling me "No, it didn't break, and there's no signs of it leaking." Yeah, well, I know it was leaking.
Our due date came and went ... and so did the New Year. January 4th I went in for an ultrasound. DR wanted the baby's size checked. So we went in... saw our baby again. We were going to go in and be induced on Jan. 8th, just a few more days until we got to see our baby. Until we saw the tech's face change a little, and she asked us to wait in the waiting room until she was able to speak with the DR.
We sat there for about a half hour, then we were told that the DR would call us at Home. So we went straight home from the hospital. When the DR had finally called us at home, she told us that the baby had very little fluid surrounding it... and we needed to go into the hospital that night and be induces, or we'd be risking a dry birth. We needed to be there 6pm.

~ The Birth ~


My Ex tried to get some sleep, and I was too wired to do much of anything. I checked my bags, made sure we had the carseat and diaper bag. And waited, it seemed endless. We got to the hospital at about 5:30 and went through all the initial stuff. They got the IV going (after poking me 4 times trying to do it) and things got going. They put pitocin suppositories (that's what they told me) into me, next to my cervix. They put one in there, and things started happening almost right away. They put me on monitors and had fluids coming through my IV, were basically were just hanging out. My Ex, his Mom, & my Mom were all there.
I wanted to get up and walk around, and kept being told no. But I was rather insistent on doing it, and so finally they took me of the monitors so I could walk for a little while. My Ex and I walked around. The contractions started hurting, and that just made me happy, because I knew things were going along.
At about midnight things started getting painful, where I was having trouble handling the pain. They put a shot of something into my IV, saying it would help take the edge off. It did and it didn't. I got up and moved to the chair - and My Ex laid on the bed for a little while. I was still at the point where I could handle the contractions - I didn't want an epi or anything else. But they gave me another shot of the stuff to take the edge off the contractions. It just wasn't working... but somehow, around 1:30 or 2am I managed to fall asleep. I remember being in the chair, sorta in and out of sleep, and I remember hearing the nurse come in, and check the tapes from the monitor, tell my family that my contractions had completely stopped, and that they'd let me sleep for a little while, and re-induce me when I woke up, or in the morning. After hearing that, I just went back to sleep.
My Mom says that as I was sleeping, My Ex's Mom decided she wanted to go take a walk (have a smoke) and asked My Ex to go with her. So he did. Mom says they couldn't have even been at the elevator when it happened. Suddenly I woke up - my eyes wider then wide - and I grabbed my stomach. I just remember waking up to this horrible squeezing in my belly, it hurt sooooooo bad!! My mom was immediately at my side asking me what was wrong, she buzzed the nurse, and they managed to get me back into the bed. I had went from nothing, to hard labor. I started shaking, and throwing up with each contraction. I was scared, and I was in shock and pain. It was too much for me and I started asking for an epi - only to be told it was too late now.
My Ex and his Mom got back up and were shocked to find me the way I was. They had only been gone for a few minutes. My Ex had told me before hand that he didn't think he'd cry, but the only thing that could make him cry, he thought, was seeing me in pain. And sure enough, when he saw me in pain, he started crying. He just wanted to see it over, he didn't like seeing me in pain.
I labored like that for a few hours... ice chips, wet wash clothes, throwing up and shaking so bad that 3 nurses and my Mom couldn't hold me still. But at about 5:30 I was told to let them know if I felt like pushing. It was shortly after that, that I realized I was pushing with the contractions. So I told my mom, and she got the nurse. I was told I was complete, and could start pushing. It was 6am. It felt sooooooooo good to push. It put my mind on something other then the pain.
I pushed, and pushed and pushed through the first hour and a half. Finally the baby's head was crowning and the end was near. My Ex was by my side, and I couldn't keep him from looking. He thought it was so interesting, watching our baby come into the world. At about 7:50 I pushed and the baby's head was coming out, but didn't come all the way out. I was told his head was out - and the contraction stopped, so I stopped pushing.... then I heard the slurping sound. I looked around and said "What was THAT?" and the DR said "It was the baby's head going back in." I was sitting there - thinking - EXCUSE ME??? It's NOT supposed to DO THAT!!! And when the next contraction started, I pushed and pushed - and his head came out, they told me the contraction stopped I could stop pushing. I said "No way!" and kept right one pushing and pushing until he was out. No way was he going back in again that time. The baby slid out at 7:56am, January 5th 1996.
The DR yelled "It's a BOY!" and we wanted a girl. I sat there, in shock a moment, and though, put it back until it turns into a girl - then saw my baby, my little baby boy. My Ex says I didn't even hesitate... I grabbed him and he was mine, there was no way I was gonna let anyone else at him. He was crying - and pink - and he was ours.
It took another half hour to deliver the placenta, which the DR slowly tugged and I eventually had to push out. And get stitched up, because I didn't give the DR a chance to cut me - and I tore badly. But I didn't feel any of it - I was too busy watching (and taping) my ex husband give our son his first bath.
Calahan Joseph was 8lbs 7oz and 20 1/2 inches long. He was healthy - and amazingly beautiful. He was such a peaceful baby. Quite and looking around, always wide eyed and taking in the world around him. He lifted his head for the first time the day after he was born. He just amazed me from day one.
Calahan was circumcised and there were issues getting the bleeding to stop. This meant nothing to me until later in his life...
When Calahan was 6 months old, I took a bad fall with him, and he injured his shoulders. Because of that, we found out that he had broken his shoulder, during birth, and we had never known. That still bothers me a lot, to this day. Thankfully it had healed correctly - but it still bothers me that we had no idea.
But I was just thankful to have my baby boy :)
Years down the road.... after he started to suffer from Night Terrors (which are completely different then Nightmares), and started to have bloody noses excessively, on top of bruising from the moment he could walk... at 2 1/2 he got multiple nose bleeds in a day and I took him into the ER. They finally got it to stop, did some lab work, told us to go in see his Ped, after bleeding time tests that he failed, blood tests that were not right... his Ped referred us to Oncology in Rodchester, MN ... Mayo Clinic.. after going down and talking with them, I felt a little better.. they thought he might have some bleeding disorder, or nothing... so more bleeding time tests, more blood tests... and then we went home... the next day I went to work and was about to experience one of the worse days of my life. The day that I was told, via a phone call from My Ex ... that the DRs called and thought our 2 year old son had Leukemia... they wanted us to make the 4 hour drive, again, the very next day to get a bone marrow test. His white cells and red cells were off, he had odd cells, his bleeding time test had exceeded the 15 minutes... both times it was done... they thought there was such a high probability based on his tests, they wanted us there NOW. So - we went... and went through the tests, the bone marrow test in his hip... the excessive tests ... he was traumatized very suddenly... would scream whenever a DR would come near.... but luckily (sigh of relief) his tests came back fine...
...... still had no clue what he DID have though...
At the age of 4, and some very violent behavior - he was diagnoised with ADHD & ODD... he started on medication at the age of 5 - and I was VERY anti-meds... but I have to say, they help him out SO MUCH!!! It's amazing how he is two different kids on and off the meds.
And finally, we found out he does have a bleeding disorder called ITP ... Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura ... We recently found out I have a Qualitative Platelet Disorder myself, which is what ITP is....

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

My Unique Flowers.....

In 2004 I attended a genetics conference in San Antonio TX .. and I was in a lecture where some kids got up, well, not kids per-say... but some adults and young adults with "Special Needs" got up to talk...

One point they got across was, they don't like the terms "Special Needs" and "Handicap" ... they are just who they are... and if you are going to categorize them... refer to them as "Special Flowers" ... or something like that... because they are no less beautiful then everyone else, they are just different...

That made me think... about my own child...... Children now...

And how I have chosen to raise them... despite the "special needs" that they have..

Yes....... I am the mother of Special Needs Children.... each in their own way... I don't love them any less because they are not "perfect" ... in fact... maybe I love them more :)

Please add me to your favorites as I introduce you to my children, discuss their progress, concerns, illnesses, worries, and general life.

After all... they are my Unique Flowers... like snow flakes... no two are the same.. each special in their own way!