Saturday, October 15, 2016

Or...... nooot too soon....

We're in the process of moving and I just haven't been able to update - but I will! I will I will I will.  There have been some good things :)

Saturday, August 13, 2016

There will be an Update Soon....

I have a lot to update on.  I just haven't been able to do so.  But I will soon.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Birth PTSD ....

A friend of mine posted an article on her facebook ...  I thought it should be shared.

Birth Grief And Trauma Are Not Selfish

This is me, I have PTSD stemming from Noah's birth....

I have PTSD from Noah's birth. I always feel crazy saying it - but it's true. Especially being told over and over that Noah had no chance for life. I ended up in the hospital thanks to Pre-Eclampsia and Noah having heart decelerations. I made it clear that if I got nothing else, I at least wanted to be given the chance to hold Noah while he was alive. I realize that may have caused a delay in "saving" him. He was born at 33 weeks, he was the size of a 24 week baby - only 1lb 12.2 oz. 13 3/4 inches long. However, there was a doctor overseeing and telling all the medical staff he worked with that the baby had no chance. Regardless, there are certain basic things you expect at the birth of your child. I didn't expect to have to be rushed in for an emergency c-section, though I wasn't surprised. I didn't expect for the room to be so very silent other than the doctor's orders as she cut me open. I certainly didn't expect to learn of my child being taken from my womb by the time being called out by the anesthesiologist who was sitting by my head. By the time I asked what "Three forty-five" was, and he told me "it's the time your baby was born" ... Noah had already been taken from my womb and rushed to a side room behind a closed door - where I couldn't see or hear or anything... there was no announcement of "It's a Boy!" not even a "Your baby is out and he's being taken by the NICU staff to check his vitals." I had no idea, there was no intention to tell me anything. He was born at 3:45 pm and I didn't see him until after 9pm. They weren't going to let me see him until my legs weren't numb anymore, and I could get up and into a wheelchair.

With Nathan - who was born via planned c-section, at the same hospital, to go into the same NICU (and funny enough he was put in the same spot in the NICU Noah had been) ... I made DB swear he wouldn't leave Nathan's side, that no matter what was going on with me, he would at least be there with Nathan because he shouldn't be alone and scared. And so he did. And when Nathan cried at his birth - I started crying. His birth wasn't what I wanted, but I had very little choice as to having a c-section thanks to the way that I was cut with Noah. There was no option of a VBAC or anything I had wanted for a birth. I didn't have to wait with Nathan until my legs weren't numb anymore, they took me back in the bed, wheeled me right into the NICU. (And he wasn't in an easy spot to take a bed) .. it was a much better birth, still scary... I knew I had another sick baby - but he was crying and he wasn't on a vent ... but Noah was sick (almost died that same week Nathan was born) and having to leave Noah in his hospital room while I went to have a baby certainly didn't aid to my calmness, infact I was a wreck ... but that's another story. 

Kaedyn's birth - however, was amazingly what I wanted for a c-section ... and the only one done by my OB that I trusted and loved, and the only one done in my home town.  We were laughing and joking while he was doing the c-section, Kaedyn cried and screamed - LOL - and peed everywhere ... we got to take pictures and everything... I was left alone with him for about a half hour or so, in the recovery room ... just him and me.  I undressed him and I counted all his fingers and toes...  I remember when they put him in my arms, he stopped crying.... and he looked at me.  He was amazing.  It was the perfect ending to my having kids.  

Aspergers & Noah


It's Autism Awareness Month - and let me tell you a little something about our lives on the Spectrum. We don't have just one kids on the Spectrum, we have two.
Noah was diagnosed with Aspergers just recently. He's always had it, I started questioning it when he was about three. There would be days where I just *knew* he had some form of Autism. Knew it - deep in my bones. Then the next day, I'd question that feeling. I ended up being on the fence about it for years. Then when I did all the paperwork for Nathan, it was pretty clean Noah was on the spectrum too. So I brought it up - to the Neurologist that sees both the boys, and he had me do some paperwork for him - and it was clear he was also on the Spectrum, more on the Aspergers side. Plus pretty severe anxiety, and ADD.
Noah has times when he's so badly got sensory overload, and it comes on quickly, and sometimes with very little stimuli ... He kinda sits and just covers his ears ... he gets super angry, argumentative, and sometimes it's hard to get him to move to a quieter place where he can calm down. Sometimes it's hard for him to pick up on things, sometimes things have to be explained to him over and over - sometimes in different ways - before it clicks. He also needs a ton of reassurance about some things.
But that's just Noah, it's how his mind works.  We LOVE him just the way he is.  

Autism and Nathan

It's Autism Awareness Month - and let me tell you a little something about our lives with Autism. Nathan is an amazing kid, we wouldn't trade him for the world, because even with the medical issues, and the Autism, and everything else he has going on - he is perfect to us, just the way he is. If we could make life a little easier for Nathan, we probably would, but not in a "I need to cure" him type of way. However, if cures could be found for some of his worrisome medical stuff, that would be AMAZING, but Autism isn't one of those things. We aren't out trying every single thing out there to try and "unlocking" Nathan or Noah (who has Aspergers.) But there are things that we miss. Like Nathan was a typical child (on the Autism front) up until 18 months, and then there was like a switch that got flipped, and I knew he was autistic. I just knew, I had been on the fence for years with Noah, but I just knew it about Nathan. So those moments when we get real eye contact, true smiles, and deep gut laughs, him being super excited about something are moments that we truly TRULY treasure.
At the zoo last Sunday, our last stop was play area. There are these little cup type things, that spin around and around, and Nathan automatically veered to that... and what happened just made my heart sour with happiness, just watching him. These are true smiles on his face, in the pictures. You know, because you can see his dimple!

Nathan came in my room and DB and I were watching TV, so I paused it and Nathan was hiding at the foot of our bed, and he'd jump up and "roar!" us (this is the first time he's done this in a long time) ... and I'd jump and scream like he scared us, and he'd laugh and laugh - and OMG that *real* laughter is the best sound in the world!! It's so rare that we hear it. So he kept doing it and (I nudged Daddy to get in on it) we'd keep jumping and pretending to be scared just to hear that sound.... it was AWESOME... truly ..

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Spring Updates

Noah turned FOURTEEN years old on February 1st (2016).  It's crazy.  Sometimes when I sit there and think about it - this is the same baby that I was told wouldn't live - period.  Not only was I told that, had that fear they were right - but also - he started life at the weight of only 1lb 12oz!   It's CRAZY.  Here he is - 14!! 

As of today (March 29th) ...  Noah has some stuff going on.  He is 2 years into having those braces!  He has another year with them (at least).  But his teeth are looking AMAZING!  And that tooth that was growing horizontally, is finally starting to come down where they can pull it down with the orthodontics into place! (WHEW!)

Also, we are a little more worried about his kidneys right now.  When he saw the nephrologist in September (about 6 months ago) … they ran some labs on him.  He had a really low level of Vitamin D.  So they wanted him on a strict Vitamin D schedule – from what I was told (over the phone) from the clinic was that he needed 500-600 iu’s a day and 2500 iu’s once a week.  Now, I found out recently that wasn’t the case at all.  He is supposed to be on 2000 iu’s a day, and was supposed to do 10,000 iu’s once a week.  (Slaps forehead.)  So we are getting new labs drawn this week and we’re going to change things based on those results.  Also at his appointment, he had a high level of blood in his urine and was a +1 on the protein.  Which isn’t good.  So I did a dip on him the other morning, and he was maxed out on the blood scale and then at a +1 again (instead of a trace) … anything over a trace isn’t good.  (A trace isn't even good.)  ::: deep sigh :::  So this week they are going to do a urinalysis on him too.  I’m supposed to do a dip on him (at home) every day though – if it is consistently up there – he’ll have to go in sooner than later.  I’m a worried Momma.  I am, can’t deny it. 

Okay – after a recent haircut and when he came out of the shower, his brother noticed he had stretch marks on his back.  Normally this wouldn’t really be a big deal.  But for this little kid who has had trouble growing, period… once he hit puberty hard – he has been growing A LOT.  He has a lot of stretch marks.  He has them around his upper arms, arm pit, shoulder/chest area.  He has them on his hips, his butt, his legs a bit.   These we have known about.  They aren’t tiny stretch marks either… they are some serious stretch marks.   So his brother noticed that Noah now has three pretty deep stretch marks horizontally on his back.  (He got a haircut and showered after to get the hair off him, otherwise he usually does it when I’m in bed for the night.) Not up and down, but horizontally across his back.  This struck me as odd.  Never seen stretch marks like that.  (thinking, how many times can I say stretch marks in one paragraph?)  Then there is also the issue of the fact that he has some gynecomastia.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s where boys breast tissue develops more like a girl’s would during puberty.  Which I noticed and wondered about before, but it’s gotten worse.  And Noah isn’t overweight. 

So we took him in, figuring he needs to get in to see the endocrinologist (who he has seen before but she felt she didn’t need to see him anymore – so we’d need a new referral.)  So we took him in and the doc looked at him, checked out our concerns, and told us he was going to make the referral.  Great.  But he said something that shocked and upset me a bit.  He said “Noah’s not going to get much bigger.”  He was 108lbs and 5 foot even.   I gave him an odd look.   He said “Noah is in the end stages of puberty already.”  Noah started getting little arm pit hairs when he was about 7 years old.  I would bring this up to doctors (back in WI) and usually just got shrugged off.  Noah he’s 14 and almost done growing?  He hasn’t grown in height much in the last year I think.  On Nov. 18, 2015 he was 107lbs and 15 and a half of an inch (probably had shoes on – or was at a different clinic)... but I have that in my book that I use for important info.   So in four months he hasn’t really gained height or weight.  So yeah.  I’m a little irritated that my worries about his early puberty weren’t really heard.  It kinda makes me sad.  I’m 5’3, and he’s shorter than I am, it just makes me sad.  Nathan is going to be around that too – probably shorter.  Boo.  Just….  BOO!

Meanwhile – with Nathan – who is going to be 9 next month – CRAZY!  This VPI surgery is still on the table.  Since the doc wanted to wait a year to give him a chance to grow and gain weight (because he was worried with Nathan’s tiny airway, he wouldn’t survive the VPI surgery.  He literally had said “if we do the surgery, I’m afraid it’ll kill him.”  So last time we saw the DR – there was talk again about this surgery – because he needs it.  It’s the only chance he has to be able to talk.  He works so hard at talking and trying to communicate with us, but with the VPI – it won’t get better unless he has the surgery.  Now, if he has the surgery, it is not a guarantee that it’ll fix his speech. But he has a better chance.  So the next step we needed to take was Nathan having a sleep study and he did.  On January 2nd, and we got the results in early February. 

The results of Nathan's sleep study. To put it in perspective, Nathan is a very active sleeper. He spins around in his bed, his head could be at the normal spot, next thing you know he's done a one eighty and his head is where his feet were, he's constantly twisting and turning and all that all night long. During the sleep study, he did not move like normal. It took him a long time to fall asleep and he couldn't get comfortable because he was very aware of the wires and cords and everything - he was afraid to move and he falls asleep on his side, and didn't want to move on his side because of the wires and cords - so his movements were a lot less during the sleep study than "normal" .... So the results they got that night were as follows.

They want Apneas to be less than 1. Nathan's were around 8 to 9 per/hour. (which is funny, because that's what his Dad’s are at too)...
Nathan doesn't really STOP breathing, but his breathing gets very shallow. It's called Hypopnea. (Nathan’s Dad stops breathing)
His Apnea is classified as mild to moderate.
He also has Disruptive Sleep. She said he didn't wake up much - he slept 92% of the time after he fell asleep initially. He did have a lot of leg movement. She said they like it to be less than 5, and Nathan's isolated movements were around 10 and his repetitive movements (like a kick, kick, kick type thing) was at a 5.5.

So he definitely needs a CPAP machine. I know this isn't a big deal in the long run of issues, but it still sucks a lot for him. Compared to him almost dying last May, this is just a blip on the radar. 

We got his CPAP machine about a week ago.  They didn’t have a mask that fit him though.  He has a full face mask but it’s a little too big for him.  

  (Dad is super jealous of his machine too – Nathan has one that warms up the water and has a bunch of fun stuff.)

Just saying – things just don’t stop being added to Nathan’s pile of stuff to deal with. 

We’ve been making adjustments to the head gear for it to fit a little better.  For example, I put snaps in places – like – where it velcros to tighten on his head, because it can’t velcro properly where it’s supposed to because it’s longer then were it would normally be placed.  Also where it attaches to the mask, that is velcroed too and he would pull that apart in his sleep – so I added snaps to make it more secure.  Then today, I added something more to his gear, because he would slip the upper strap on his head and pull it down to pop his mask off, so I added material (with snaps) from the top strap that sits on the top of his head, to the one that sits at the bottom of his head.  Oye!  But we’re trying really hard to make it work.

So over the next few months we are going to be seeing all the specialists again.  So updates will come with all those fun appointments!  Joy to the World....