Wednesday, January 28, 2015

I could Cry ....

This morning's Facebook post on my Facebook.... 
Every year on this day for the last 12 years I start the spiral into the memories that proceeded Noah coming into the world.

It never fails.  Ever....  

January 28th and I'm thrown back 13 years ago .....  I was at the end of my 32nd week of pregnancy.

Pregnant - with a baby - that I didn't know if I'd be bringing home or not.   The baby that I'd been carrying and wanting so badly.  The baby I had fought for a long time.  And I loved that baby every moment I had him in my belly.  Every second.  I relished every movement, every kick and hiccup.

I was told he would die, there was no question about it.  We wouldn't bring him home.

But I had hope.  I did.  I hoped and prayed and believed every moment, but the realistic part of me had to face the reality that I might not bring home a baby.

So because of that, I had very little at home.  We had been given a changing table, we had been given gifts, I bought some stuff from Goodwill, and my mom got us a bassinet and a stroller/carseat combo.  But I got nothing new.  Everything was used, cheap....  and if I didn't come home with a baby, I didn't want to see any of it.

Every time I walked into the baby department in a store, I would touch little clothes and I would pick things up and carry it around at times....  but I'd always end up putting it back.  I couldn't ....just couldn't bring myself to do that.

January 28th was Calahan's first day of Kindergarten in public school.  I had been homeschooling him but knew that the baby was going to be a lot of work ...  so I didn't like the choice I made, but felt like the was the only one to make.

After I dropped him off at school, I drove myself to my DRs appointment.  I had a Non-Stress Test and blood pressure check.  I got there at about 8:30, and I ended up being there until after noon!

Here are the notes from that week....

January 28 – Full Moon - 2nd NST – Blood Pressure 153/96 getting high  - had traceable contractions, even threatened to get a shot to stop them  - and had one heart deceleration  …  Strict instructions to go home, and go to bed, and be back the following morning at 8am for NST number 3

January 29 – Full Moon – 3rd NST – BP 150’s/100’s L  Protein in the urine - Contractions every 2 minutes – Noah has SEVERAL heart decelerations -  DR is admitting me, gives me 1st steroid shot to mature Noah’s lungs in the office – can’t get the baby's Dad, so I call him.  Admitted in the hospital, start 24 hr urine test, fetal monitor   2nd steroid shot given at hospital.  Officially stuck in the HOSPITAL!  8th Ultrasound.

January 30 – Hospitalization – Noah had many heart decelerations and Mom’s BP didn’t get better through the night.  3rd steroid shot given in AM.  Officially Pre-eclampsic-  Not going home until after Noah’s born

January 31 – Hospitalization – 4 AM Noah’s heart decelerations are worse, they have my put on the O2 mask for 2 hours and put in an IV.  1 PM- Dr. comes in to do amino to check Noah’s lung maturity.  9th Ultrasound during Amino. Noah thought the needle was a toy and tried to play with it.  Fluid came out a pale yellow.  Instead of waiting the normal hour and a half for the results, we had to wait 10 hours.  Found out Noah’s lungs were almost mature and there was biliruben in the fluid.

February 1 – Hospitalization – DR came in AM and told us he was no longer giving us the the choice of staying or going to better hospital 2 hours away – he was sending us.   Transferred to Marshfield’s St. Joseph’s Hospital.  10th ultrasound was given, baby’s weight estimated to be 2lbs.  Blood tests taken.  DRs discussed, and came back with the news……. Emergency C-Section, NOW. (The Placenta was failing)

Noah Alexander was born February 1st 2002 at 3:45 PM
1 lb  12.2 oz  ~ 13 ¾ inches  ~ 26 cm Head Circumference
APGAR   4 @ 1min  ~ 8 @ 5 min

I remember calling my mom on the 28th and telling her what happened, and she said "Do I need to look for a plane ticket?" and I told her no no no .. not to worry ....   and the very next day I called her from the doctors office crying - she answered the phone and all I said was "you need to worry now" .... and burst into tears.

I have to say that Noah's pregnancy, his birth, him being my first Preemie....  it was all traumatizing for me.  It was all worth it, don't get me wrong.  I wouldn't change anything of it except maybe one thing....  but I'm so thankful to have this little boy in my life.  In our lives.

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